Wednesday, November 08, 2006

George Allen Concedes Defeat: Democrats gain Senate.

Ok, now that all the fools who were duped by the title are here, let's get to the real business: Making me more money. According to the world famous, Star Tribune, pro-candidate letters to the Editor in the, prestigious, Proctor Journal now cost $0.05/word.

That gave me a great idea, why not charge for pro-candidate letters on the Cold Hard Facts. Only, unlike the naive people of Proctor, Minnesota, I realize the big profits are not in pro-candidate letters, but in anti-candidate letters. And now, with all those political types, whom I sneakily lured with the post title, present, let's get to pricing.

Reporting on a Republican Scandal: $5.00
Reporting on a Democrat Scandal: $10.00
Repoting a Republican has called someone a racist Slur: $2.50
Reporting a Democrat has called someone a racist Slur: $7.50
Calling a Republican a racist slur: $4.00
Calling a Democrat a racist slur: $8.00
Reporting on a Republican's dirty past: $15.00
Reporting on a Democrat's dirty Past: $50.00
Calling a Republican anti-troop: $13.00
Calling a Democrat anti-troop: $26.00
Calling a Republican pro-terrorist: $12.00
Calling a Democrat pro-terrorist: $20.00
Calling a Republic pro-"So And so": $18.00
Calling a Democrat pro-"So And so": $20.00
Insulting an independant: 40¢.

Well I think that covers all our bases pretty well. Incidentally, you may have wondered why badmothing a Democrat is more than bad-mothing a republican. Well, clearly it's supply and demand. With the Democrats actually in control of something, I expect the market for anti-Democrat flame to go through the roof, and, when it does, we'll be ready. And as for insulting an independant, I figure who wants to insult one, when they call themselves Cannibals and drug addicts. I could be wrong though. If you want to insult someone, but you feel the price is too high or too low, just call me, especially if you feel the price is too low, and we'll work it out.

So now, the next time, someone wants to call, say Barak Obabma (D), a man who took money from Jack Abramoff, had tea with Osama Bin Laden, and wrote an anti-puppy editorial in third grade, I can say 80 bucks please. Hah, the money will come rolling in in no time. I'll be rich! Isn't mudslinging great!

Questions or comments on our new policy are welcome, as are any insults you need published, for the right price anyway.

3 comments:

Chad said...

Why go to someone else's house and disrespect them? Not our bag of tricks.


Nothing like internet toughguy talk... Especially from guys named Edgar.

notElon said...

Let's see. I don't understand that first line at all, so Im gonna assume it refers to a Democrat previously being racist. That's 50+7.50 = $57.50

Not our bag of tricks implying it is the Democrats' bag of tricks and probably the bag of tricks of some Republicans too> We don't actually have a charge listed so I'm gonna go with $100, a nice, round rather large amount.

Alas I couldn't find any politicians named Edgar, so you luck out there.

Expect an invoice in the mail. Nothing like business... Especially from guys named Chad.

Jonathan/Yoni said...

nice one notelon, teaching chad a few cold hard facts. oh and thats 80 cents for calling independants cannabalistic drug addicts