Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Apparently there was some kind of horrible mishap with that last post, but I don't have anything else to blog about, so I'll leave it.

Kadir Buxton — Time Traveling Supergenious or lair?

Warning ! I am actuall

Friday, October 26, 2007

Two posts today?

There may be two posts today. But it is getting late, I have things to do before sundown, and the second post isn't finished yet. Feel free to check by later, but don't get your hopes up.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Tired of Walking GIrls Home

One of the majors problems of being on a college campus is that girls always insist you walk them home, even when they live in a completely different direction. Lucky for me, girls avoid me like the plague, but there are others who are not so lucky. The problem is that it is just not safe for a girl to walk out alone after dark, but at the same time, it is too much bother to walk with her. Now at last, there is a solution. The solute? Aya Tsukioka, of Japan, has has invented a dress, which she believes will allow girls to go out after dark and avoid random neighborhood psychopaths.

Taking inspiration from the ancient ninjas, who used to wear dark cloaks to blend in with the night, Ms. Tsukioka's dress allows the wearer to blend in with a city, by disguising her as a Coke Machine. It may sound like a really idea stupid idea that will never work, but the disguise is quite convincing. Try to pick out the girl from the actual soda machines in the picture below.

Did you guess the right one?

I didn't think so.

So now if a girl runs into a psychopath, all she has to do is distract him for a few seconds, perhaps with the old, "Look over there," gag. Then quick as a wink, she seamlessly blends into the surroundings, and her pursuer is left to wonder what in Hell that new soda machine is doing on Bob St. Meanwhile the girl's would be escort is free to do more important things than care about her safety.

There is just one little snag. What if the random neighborhood psychopath decides he's thirsty, but he only like Mountain Dew. He may well take out his anger on that new Coke machine, and that would be bad. Luckily, new models will disguise as less divisive urban monuments, perhaps parking meters or trash bins. A dress that is also a garbage can? That is one invention the Cold Hard Facts can salute. Nice job, Aya Tsukioka. Keep up the good work.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Silken Petals

My aunt requested that I put up a picture of the card she made, and let you decide for yourselves rather than just call her crazed. So fine here it is.

You happy now, Auntie?

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Losing in Style

Yesterday Rutgers lost a second football game, which means it is no longer a "Championship Team". Some people cling to the deluded hope that, perhaps, if Rutgers wins every other game, it can yet be decent. Poor souls. They are setting themselves up to be crushed by reality. But not me, for I have hope of another kind. Which is why I am cheering for the Orange Club, even though "Orange Club" is the sorriest excuse for a team name that I have ever heard. Because, if we cannot have a great football team, at least we should have a totally lousy football team.

President McCormick said last year that the Scarlet Knights have finally put the university on the map, that having a good football team has made us more esteemed. But all the really esteemed schools have sorry excuses for football teams. Look at Cornell. They are in the wimpiest division ever, and they still lost every game they played. Look at Princeton. They are so bad, they would lose to Cornell if they were man enough to play them. And Princeton is even more prestigious a school than Cornell. The list goes on and on. Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Penn, Caltech, MIT, Georgetown. Ye, to truly be "On the map," you need a lousy football team.

And if Rutgers doesn't blow it, that is exactly what will happen. If we want to be a "Harvard on the Raritan," we gotta play like a Harvard on the Raritan. We need to suck. Now is our chance. Last year we showed the world we were almost as good as Texas A&M. But who cares about being almost as good as Texas A&M, when you can be almost as bad as Harvard? Only then will Rutgers truly be Ivy League.

So Schiano, get out there and blow the game, and all the games afterwards. And Mike, you continue to throw those interceptions. And Ray, break a leg, literally. As for the rest of the team, you guys read up on the Black Sox. Make Cicotte* your role model. Together we can make a difference. GO ORANGES!

So let's hear it for Old Rutgers.
And hope their football team doth pan.
May they lose every single game.
May they head on home in shame,
To the banks of the old Raritan.

On the banks of the old Raritan, my friends,
where old Rutgers ever more shall stand,
For has she not stood since the time of the flood,
On the banks of the old Raritan.

*Yeah yeah, I know he was a baseball player. But that only means it would be even easier for him to lose a football game.