Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Tired of Walking GIrls Home

One of the majors problems of being on a college campus is that girls always insist you walk them home, even when they live in a completely different direction. Lucky for me, girls avoid me like the plague, but there are others who are not so lucky. The problem is that it is just not safe for a girl to walk out alone after dark, but at the same time, it is too much bother to walk with her. Now at last, there is a solution. The solute? Aya Tsukioka, of Japan, has has invented a dress, which she believes will allow girls to go out after dark and avoid random neighborhood psychopaths.

Taking inspiration from the ancient ninjas, who used to wear dark cloaks to blend in with the night, Ms. Tsukioka's dress allows the wearer to blend in with a city, by disguising her as a Coke Machine. It may sound like a really idea stupid idea that will never work, but the disguise is quite convincing. Try to pick out the girl from the actual soda machines in the picture below.


Did you guess the right one?

I didn't think so.

So now if a girl runs into a psychopath, all she has to do is distract him for a few seconds, perhaps with the old, "Look over there," gag. Then quick as a wink, she seamlessly blends into the surroundings, and her pursuer is left to wonder what in Hell that new soda machine is doing on Bob St. Meanwhile the girl's would be escort is free to do more important things than care about her safety.

There is just one little snag. What if the random neighborhood psychopath decides he's thirsty, but he only like Mountain Dew. He may well take out his anger on that new Coke machine, and that would be bad. Luckily, new models will disguise as less divisive urban monuments, perhaps parking meters or trash bins. A dress that is also a garbage can? That is one invention the Cold Hard Facts can salute. Nice job, Aya Tsukioka. Keep up the good work.

5 comments:

Eli said...

Excellent post. I wonder what the guy would think at night when all of a sudden an soda machine with broken lights appeared out of nowhere. Or maybe the costume includes florescent bulbs?

Robert said...

If it did happen (even if it's very unlikely), then too bad for him / her. He / she is going to be in a world of hurt. Disguising (as a vending machine) isn't a good idea now, isn't it?

Asheville Attorney said...

Why not just diguise yourself as a police car?

Valerie said...

@Asheville Attorney

Isn't the road a little too narrow for a police car disguise?

And also, it would be too bulky, and slow to set-up. :)

Robert said...

Also, the "look over there" gag wouldn't work that effectively. It might agitate the psychopath even more, putting yourself in grave danger in the process.

It's better if you just run away as fast as you can. And call the police