Sunday, December 18, 2005

Civil War Denial

Recently some respected historians have come forward, and claimed the Civil War never happened. We bring you The cold hard facts.
According to one of these respected historians:
We're not actually denying that the Civil War never happened, rather we just want to revise and correct history to push it towards a more acceptable outcome. At first we just thought that historians record the wrong outcome, because the confederacy never lost. Notice people in the south still march with its colors. But when we examined it closely, it turns out that the Civil Skirmish, as we'll call it wasn't all that big a deal.

I mean I'm not denying that there was a battle here, a battle there but can you honestly tell me that 600,000 people lost their lives in the war. You would think there would be evidence of that. I mean, there's direct evidence, like pictures, of only 2 -300 hundred dead bodies. All the others are probably hiding somewhere. What's 600,000 in 300,000,000?

Which brings me to my next point. It's common knowledge that most of those pictures were faked. In reality all the bodies didn't die from bullets. They died from cholera, or gangrene or other common diseases. That leaves us with what 200 dead maximum.

I Know you're going to say "What about the guns and the bullets that litter all these 'battlefields? Surely they killed people." To that I say "You can't prove it." I mean we see all these bullets and casings in Gettysburg, but do we have any proof they were used against people and not rats? Is a bullet even physically able to kill a man? When you study the question closely, I think you will find the answer is no, and therefore they didn't.

In reality, the whole "Civil War" thing is an Evil Abolitionist conspiracy to free the slaves. And you know what? Historians knew this already but the Jews forced them to keep quiet. But we won't stand for it anymore. As they say in my town. You can't change the past, but you can revise history So let's revise a better world today.

According to another historian, on this topic:
I'm not even going to go there!

So there you go, two equally respected opinions on the matter.

1 comment:

Eli said...
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