Monday, January 08, 2007

Rutgers was Robbed Again!

Like any fan of their, Alma Mater, I spend a good portion of my day cheering for for Rutgers, and when Rutgers doesn't win I cry and pout for weeks. This is especially so when the loss is the result of unfair calls. In that case my friends and I sit around railing at the injustice of referees, even years after the event.

Alas Rutgers is agian a victim of conspiricy. The Young America Foundation just released it's "Dirty Dozen", a listing of "America’s Most Bizarre and Politically Correct College Courses," and Rutgers was not on it. In fact not one of Rutgers's courses has ever been listed, not even once. But do you know which college is host to the all-time worst? That's Right, it's Princeton, who is apparently our rival. Grrr, it makes me so angry.

Well for your information, Young America Foundation, Rutgers has plenty of stupid, nonsense courses. We are the king of stupid, nonsense, courses. Your arch-nemisis, Liberalism is the very demon-spawn of Rutgers. And I for one, want recognition for them. So today for the benifit of the bozos at the Young America Foundation, we will be looking at the Cold Hard Facts of Rutgers College Courses. We'll see if we can't beat those snoods at Columbia and Cornell*.

Opening Rutgers's course Catalog to a random page, we come to the total lunacy of the... Physics department. Hastily closing the book, we reopen it, to the Religion Department. Ah here we go. What is more stupid than 01:840:201 The Old Testament, an interpretation of basic Hebrew Scriptures in translation; history of religious themes such as sin, covenants, and prophecy, in ancient Israel? Translation: The Tanach, as taught by a Christian who speaks no Hebrew or Aramaic, who believes an eye for an eye is literal, and who has never heard of commentaries. It could only be 01:840:401 Seminar in Old Testament Literature, a study of the role in redactional criticism in determining literary structure, interdependence of primary divisions, and development of basic themes in the Hebrew's Scriptures. Translation: Using the pseudoscientific field of Literary Criticism on the English "translation" of the Latin "translation", of the Greek "translation" of the Tanach, in the hopes of making everyone very angry. Oh and Young America Foundation, here's a course you may not have heard of. 01:840:439 Terrorism in Christianity: An unbiased, rational, didactic look at Pogroms, Inquisitions, Crusades, Blood-Libels, Expulsions, and Ronald Reagan**. Can you honestly say that is not worse than Native American Feminisms? Take that University of Michigan.

Moving over to the Philosophy Department we find courses like 01:730:421 Semantics of Language, covering traditional questions about the semantics of names, predicates, adverbs, psychological ascriptions , and demonstrative and indexical expressions. Verbs of Change. Comparative Adjectives. I'm not even going to attempt to translate that one, but I will point out that "Verbs of Change." is a Sentence Fragment. In your face, Plato! Here's another pointless course, 01:730:418 Philosophy of Mind. Mind-body problem, the nature of consciousness; rationality; intentionality; human freedom; Theories of Dualism, physicalism, functionalism, and behavioralism. I'm not sure what that course teaches either. In fact, I'm not sure what half these courses in this department teach. If it was up to me, I would change the department name to "Logic," and can every philosophy course whose description contains more than one made up word, discounting names.

Next we turn to Black African Africana Studies. Covering a full Three! pages of nonsense. First we start with linguistics courses. I believe these are important, and if someone wants to learn Hausa, there should be a course in it. But let us compare the course discription of Elementary Hausa with that for the corresponding courses in Arabic, Hebrew, and Japanese. Hausa: Development of Oral and Written Proficiency. Student exposed to, gain an appreciation for, and possibly identify with a number of African Peoples and Cultures. Arabic: Development of oral and written proficiency. Japanese: Introduction to grammer and writing systems; practice in speaking, reading, and writing. Hebrew: Speaking, reading, and writing; oral-aural exercises. Notice the difference? And then we have the "History" courses, which I can't even make heads or tail of. And then, are you listening Young America Foundation, we have 01:014:366History of Race and Sex, with the very vague discription,"Examines how race and gender have independently and jointly determined life chances throughout America." I thought that course was bad, but it's apparently not bad enough for the critics at the Young America Foundation.

Rutger will rise from the Ashes, Young America Foundation! Just will till you see next year's lineup. I dare you to deny the prize to 01:988:346 The Evolutionary Basis of Feminism***.

My father sent me to old Rutgers,
And resolv'd that I should be a man;
And so I settled down,
In that noisy college town,
On the banks of the old Raritan.

On the banks of the old Raritan, my friends,
Where old Rutgers evermore shall stand,
For has she not stood
Since the time of the flood,
On the banks of the old Raritan.

Then sing aloud to Alma Mater
And keep the scarlet in the van'
For with her motto high
Rutgers' name shall never die
On the banks of the old Raritan.

On the banks of the old Raritan, my friends,
Where old Rutgers evermore shall stand,
For has she not stood
Since the time of the flood,
On the banks of the old Raritan.

On the banks of the old Raritan, my friends,
Where old Rutgers evermore shall stand,
For has she not stood
Since the time of the flood,
On the banks of the old Raritan.





*Actually Columbia has never won either. But it came closer to being a runner-up. Cornell's Course on Cyberfeminism is admittedly ridiculous, but it still rankles.
**Actually I made that course up, in the hopes of getting the Young America Foundation really annoyed at us, therby giving a bigger chance to win with a course that actually exists. It's called Reverse Psychiatry.
***Ditto.

1 comment:

Aryeh said...

We should also not forget the lovely abreviations that some engineering classes have. MOM (Mechanics of Materials, we called it by mom), PEE (Principles of Electrical Engineering, I believe Electricals call it principals), EEE (Elements of Electrical, we call it triple E). In my one semester of real engineering classes this is all I have seen can't wait for more. Also, dont forget ME Comp @#$% (Mechanical Engineering Computer Analysis and Design, the charactered word is one I will not write here but its an abreviation of Analysis and it was often called by its abreviation). RUTGERS!!! (and of course our great Alma Mater which me and friends never heard until our first football games).