Monday, December 25, 2006

They know when you're sleeping. They know when you're awake. And they want YOU!

Recently, while searching for some Cold Hard Facts, I came across a facebook page advertising the CIA. Apparently intelligence has shown that this is the most effective recruiting technique the CIA could come with.

Careful sleuthing revealed the ad was for this website. Notice the https://; that 's' means secret, a sure sign we're on the right track. And after examining the website with a fine-toothed comb, I concluded it's purpose was to recruit new CIA agents. Actually the motto on the bottom, "Today's Youth, Tomorrow's Assassins" was a dead giveaway.

So what can you do on a CIA website? Well for one you can take a personality test, with such questions as "Can you stomach our horrible flash intro", "What form of transportation do you prefer", and "What kind of dweeb doesn't pick Jetpack?" There is also a testimonial section, where agents codenamed things like FRED and SUSAN reveal the rewards and benefits of CIA work. "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you afterwards", is a common theme.

But most, importantly the people at the CIA want you to know that the CIA is just an ordinary company. Sure every employee owns a phaser and a jet-pack. And sure even the janitor learns how to kill someone with her index finger. But the CIA want you to know it also pays decent wages and gives benefits. And sometimes, you can even take your daughter to work. Just not normally.

So I think I'll join the CIA. They'll hire me for sure. And I bet passing security will be a breeze. What's not to like about the Supreme Dictator of the Fanatical League of Chemical Terrorists, who uses Stalin as his avatar?

1 comment:

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