Wednesday, October 04, 2006

It's in the blood

Recently this blog ran a story about a cripplingly debilitating lentil shortage, causing mass starvation in Queens. In reference to this tragic piece of news, one reader asked us why anyone would even want to eat lentils, as they are poisonous. The answer is simple. According to the genuine Dr. D'Adamo, Lentils are poisonous, but only to certain people. Lentils are deadly if your blood type is "O" or "B', especially if you are a secretor. Type "A" people however should eat lentils until the lentils come out of their ears.

But why does a person's diet depend on his blood type anyway? The exact details are available only to those acolytes wise enough to see the path of Dr. D'Adamo to buy his books, but luckily there are some such morons on Wikipedia. Apparently foods have proteins called Lectins which stick to the sugars present on Red-Blood Cell, or in the case of type "O" blood stick to the absence of sugars on the cells. Then the cells clump together and clog capillaries, sort of like an attack of sickle cell anemia, only more painful.

Some pessimists think that this whole Blood type diet is just a scheme by a doctor who "couldn't cure his way out of a paper bag" to sell all sorts of worthless health junk at inflated prices, but they are missing the point. These guys don't need evidence or knowledge to dispense dietary advice, as long as they pretend to have it. They're mavericks fighting against the system, and as such they're automatically right.

But criticism also comes from more serious source. Followers of the PETA diet criticize the Eat Right 4 Your Type Diet, believing meat to be unhealthy. With two agenda driven, "alternative", health sources at loggerheads, how do we know which one to believe? We can't. All we can do is keep striving to discover the Cold Hard Facts.

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