Monday, February 27, 2006

Currents Of Death - MUH HAH HAH HA!

Even though electricity can't directly kill people, it is responsible for billions of cases of cancer every year. And thus we should all applaud the actions of Fred Gilbert who won't allow the dangerous "electromagnetic forces" and radio waves produced by Wi-Fi units anywhere near his vulnerable students. But what about other producers of electromagnetic radiation such as blenders, microwave ovens, and particle accelerators? Are they dangerous too? Let's get the Cold Hard Facts on the matter.

Paul Brodeur, a colleague of mine, wrote several books during the 1970s, proving that microwaves such as those produced by power lines caused cancer. Not surprisingly physicists and physiologist everywhere, every one of whom is in the pay of the power companies and chemotherapy providers, tried to cover this up. Of course there is no earthy reason why physicists should know anything about power lines, or medical researchers about cancer, but they just sound so darn convincing. And pretty soon, everyone in the United States thought Brodeur was an idiot, even though he was right.

But Brodeur wouldn't give up. He kept digging and, sure enough he realized that our military and the government of Communist Russia were also involved. This should have gotten everyone's attention, but the evil scientists just scoffed and said that if over 100 peer reviewed papers find no correlation between power lines and cancer, there isn't one. Balderdash, those study authors were also involved in the giant power line conspiracy and therefore biased. The only unbiased guy is Brodeur. And still, no one listened to him.

But now, finally, one man is listening to Brodeur. Good Job, Mr. Gilbert, but it's not enough. As Mr. Brodeur demonstrates every electric appliance and even electrical wiring also cause cancer. Plus all those television and radio stations broadcasting the evening news, polluting our very air with their hideous radiation, will lead to increased rates of heart disease when your students get older. Therefore, this blog suggests the only logical course of action. Move your entire university on a fleet of sailboats, so as not to die from the EM radiation generated by jet engines, to some uncharted island in the Pacific. Your students will thank you and your Paranoia.

By the way, just reading this blog on a CRT exposed you to enough radiation to cut your lifespan by about half. So look into those miracle pills in the archives. You'll need them.

1 comment:

Eli said...

Alas, even some unchartered island in the Pacific is still bathed in EM radiation. Thus, it would be easier to build (without any power tools, of course) a HUGE Faraday Cage over the entire school.