Thursday, January 26, 2006

Letters to the Editor

Every day millions of letters are sent to the Cold Hard Facts. Today we pick a few of these letters, and give their writers a dose of the Cold Hard Facts. The writers are real, but the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Dear Notelon,
I really enjoy your blog, but I am slightly troubled you chose to mock homoeopathy. I take homoeopathic doses of testosterone to control my anger problems, and I am freakin outraged that you would choose to personally mock me. You DO IT AGAIN AND I'LL RIP YOUR FREAKIN' LEFT LUNG OUT WITH MY BEAR HANDS! I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!
Lex Luther
I don't know what you are talking about, Lex. Homoeopathy normally works. Your doctor must be giving you a placebo.

Dear Notelon,
I searched google for "Interesting Facts About Pencils", and found you, but I see no pencils. What gives.
Well Joker, the beauty of Pencils is in the eye of the beholder, so it you who is at fault.

Dear Notelon,
Do you enjoy making fun of me?
Dr. Octopus
No, of course not.

Dear Notelon,
I want to join The Church of Lincoln's Second Coming. Here is my $300 entry fee, my one time $1000 exorcism payment, and my very reasonable $31,415.92 application processing fee. You'll see to it they will get to the right place?
Chairface Chippendale
Of course I will. And did you know that you can get money in the mail just by addressing envelopes? Just send ten dollars to Elonstruths, PO box 57, NY, NY, 10101.

And speaking of mail, would Professor Harry G. Frankfort please stop flooding my inbox with messages. It would be appreciated.

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