You must have heard of Robinson's reaction, but did you hear about Hamas's?

In fact, Hamas is claiming responsibility for Sharon's stroke. Honestly, it is The Cold Hard Fact, as shown is the following quote from one of the leaders of this secret organization.

Sharon had it coming to him. What with the wall and the settlement building in the West Bank, and the deaths from the explosion of our illegal ammo pile... I mean evil Israeli air strike, the illegal occupation of Jerusalem, and the removal of targets in Gaza, did he really think we would not respond. Of course we would and with such a cunning plan to perfectly disguise our involvement in this assassination attempt. Why if we didn't tell the world we were responsible, Imperialist Israel would never know who to unjustly bomb in response. Muh HA HA HA HA HA HA!

But Hamas isn't the only terrorist group claiming responsibility for Ariel Sharon's stroke. Palestinian Islamic Jihad gave our Israel correspondent this press release

Hamas, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Allah knows it isn't fair or just to always claim credit for our greatest attacks on the infidels even if you had nothing to do with them. You never hire your own bomber anymore. You just take credit for ours. Unjust! But anyway, strokes are caused by stress, and it is a fact that the Palestinian Islamic Jihad caused Sharon more stress than anything else. Plus we prevented him from getting a liposuction or stomach stapling surgery SO HE STAYED OVERWEIGHT. Muh HA HA HA HA HA HA! Muh HA HA HA HA HA HA!

But now Rabbi Philip Berg of the Kabbalah Centre has his own reasons for Sharon's stroke."It's obvious", he says.

Sharon didn't study enough kabbalah with me. I told him, you and me study together and Mashiach will come rushing here tomorrow. I even told him I'd arrange a shidduch with Maddonah, but for some reason he avoided me. Now G-d has decided the time has come for devine retribution. I could use my kabbalah to save him, but who am I to interfere with G-d's plans.

Yes, who is he? In any case, this has been another, chock full of truth, edition of The Cold Hard Facts