Friday, June 23, 2006

It's a bear... It's a guy in gorilla suit... It's BIGFOOT. Oh wait it is a bear.

Bigfoot is he real? No one knows for sure, but most people think he is and that it is only a matter of time before we nab him. We bring an exclusive Cold Hard Facts report on Bigfoot and what our top biologists are doing to nab him.

First we turn to the most trusted name in Bigfoot field research, the aptly named Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization. Their skeptical researcher are constantly investigating encounters with the reclusive beasts and separating the facts from the fiction. They remind viewers of the importance of always looking at skeptical arguments, such as "Didn't some guy say that you claim a picture of him in a gorilla suit is Bigfoot," skeptically. I mean if he hoaxed us once by dressing up in a costume, who's to say he's not hoaxing us again by admitting it; obviously this picture is of Bigfoot.

But now that the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization has conclusively proven bigfoots exist, how do we go about catching one? This is job for the Great American Bigfoot Research Organization. Right now their top fieldhands are hard at work on a serious scientific mission to find a bigfoot and bring him alive, and for only $6.95 US per month we can receive daily entries on their progress so far. Knowing that you all are cheapskates this blog managed to procure a couple of free journal entries.
April 1, 2006
Dear Diary,
Had the expiditions photos developed today. Why does a bigfoot always look blurry and in the distance? Perhaps it's the quality of my wide-angle lens. But no matter. The expiditon must go on. I know bigfoots are intelligent. If only I could get one to talk to me, I'm sure we both would have a lot to learn.

April 2, 2006
Dear Diary,
Great news! Met a bigfoot today. His name is Urgurg and he invited me over for tea tomorrow. This could be the break investigators have been seaching for. Still it begs a question. Bigfoots drink tea? Could it be that they are far more intelligent and cultured than we believed possible?

April 3, 2006
Dear Diary,
Bad news. After talking to Urgurg today, I made a horrible dicovery: Urgurg is not a bigfoot. He's a just a creepy human in a costume named Sam Mudgeman. Even worse, when I showed him our scientific footage of a bigfoot, he demanded to know how long we've been stalking him. Then he pulled out a gun and ordered us to get off his property and leave him alone. I don't believe it. My whole life's work wasted. Still we must press on.

April 5, 2006
Dear Diary,
Thought we saw a bigfoot today, but when I heard a gunshot, I realized it was just Mudgeman. When will that guy get a life? Sometimes I ask myself is bigfoot really out there? Perhaps we'll never know.

Exciting stuff. So until next time remember to send all those Bigfoot sightings to the experts, and perhaps with your help, even scientists will believe in Bigfoot.

1 comment:

Yoni said...

Great post NotElon, extremely entertaining.