Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Hceeps Esrever

Read this post forward and then read it in reverse, in order not to miss out on all the Cold Hard Facts, because today's topic is the exciting new field of reverse speech. Created by a man who bears an uncanny resemblance to Saddam Hussein, Reverse Speech may just be the key to our inner Psyche. See people can lie with normal speech in forward time direction, but if you record those lies on a special broken tape recorder, play them backwards, and listen real closely until you go insane, the truth emerges.

And not only are you subconsciously giving away all your deepest darkest inner thoughts in reverse, even people who can only express gibberish in forward speech, like babies, are already fluent at talking backwards. So that little baby, who's so cuuuute may really be cursing you off backwards. And babies aren't the only ones who can express themselves backwards. Did you know that people with severe mental retardation, who appear to only communicate with grunts and shrieks, are actually composing poems in reverse speech. All this incontrovertible evidence leads to only one conclusion, "that the process of spoken communication in children begins backwards before it does forwards."

Of course there are skeptics who foolishly question the utility of reverse speech. For some reason they are stupid enough to think that there is no rational benefit in subconscious communication in a medium that no one could understand before the invention of tape recorders. Ha! Of course there's a benefit. From an evolutionary standpoint, you wouldn't want to subconsciously express your innermost thoughts on a topic in an easily understandable form, because such thought expression would obviously end all marriages before reproduction occured, and thus Reverse Speech evolved. It makes perfect sense!

But how can you get in on the reverse speech action? It's easy for the small fee of $295, you can own a Sony tape recorder reconfigured to run backwards. Then for a small fee of $300/week for 3 weeks and another small fee of $300/week for 5 weeks, and yet another small fee of $300/week for only 8 weeks, and a few extra hundred dollars in software, you can become a Reverse Speech Practitioner and charge others the hugely inflated prices. But it's worth it. Just send me 500 bucks and a blank CD and a microphone, and I'll dictate the offer to you backwards; you'll see I'm not lying.

3 comments:

Eli said...

.succus weps I llit redder dna redder teg thgim I ro ,aibohphobia morf reffus t'nod I taht etanutrof s'tI .nehctik eht repaper nac rotator a spahrep dna ,deified eb dluohs tuo ffuts siht derugif ohw elpoep eht kniht I .lla ta tsop siht dnatsrednu ton dluoc I tub ,nolEtoN ,yrros m'I

Stacy said...

Wow, until I clicked on the links I REALLY thought you were making it up! How did you ever find this site?

Lansey said...

I prefer pI