Is Pop Culture Science

And if it is, Why the Hell Study this Garbage.

First you may be wondering why I hae not mentioned the religion class. Well it turns out that the religion class is more of a history course than a studies course, and thus it is harder to make fun of. That does not mean there are not interesting moments in the class, because some religious beliefs can be... Well here's a example. This came from an Anglican Priest in 18th Cetury Virginia. At that time planters were worried that perhaps if their slaves converted, and became good Christians, the slaves might earn rights. The pastor knew which of the two groups of Christians paid his salary, and he thus addressed the issue with the following religious ruling.

To remove all pretence from the Adult Slaves I shall baptise of their being free upon that account, I have thought to fit to require first their consent to this following declaration You declare in the Presence of god and before this Congregation that you do not ask for the holy baptism out of any design to free yourself from the Duty and Obedience you owe to your Master while you live, but merely for the good of Your Soul and to partake of the Graces and Blessings promised to the members of the Church of Jesus Christ . One of the most Scandalous and common Crimes of our Slaves is their perpetual Changing of Wives and husbands, which occasions great disorders; I also tell them whom I baptise The Christian Religion does not allow the plurality of Wives, nor any changing of them; You promise truly to keep the Wife yo now have till Death dos part you. It has been Customary among them to have their feasts, dances, and meetings on the Lord's Day, that practice is pretty well over in this parish, but not absolutely; I tell them that present themselves to to be admitted to Baptism, they mus promise they'l spend no more the Lord's day in idleness, and if they do, I'l cut them off from the Communion.

Ahh those Anglican Pastors. So empathetic to the needs of their congregation.

However, due to it's rather factual nature, the class itself is less deserving of parody. I might present a funny quote or two, but I will primarily blog about the Pop Culture.

And now for the question of the day, Is Pop Culture, or at least the study of pop culture a science? It certainly claims to be one, but at first glance, this does not seem so. I mean there are no explosion and hardly any mathematics. But even so, it could still be one of those soft, wimpy sciences like Neural Cellular Biology. So let us start at the beginning and keep an open mind.

A rigourous, scientific study of Popular culture is admittedly difficult. Apparently there are laws against locking subjects in rooms and playing 24 hour non-stop Hillary Duff music, while quantitatively monitoring their behavior.

Day 26, the subjects appear to be experiencing extreme agitation. Number 24 tried to strangle my graduate student, when she brought him food. This is the 28 time this week, that he ha displayed such violent tendencies. I intend to study this phenomenon further.

Thus Sociologists once again must take the wimpy way out and conducts surveys and or case histories. This is called Qualitative Research, or BSing. Qualitative Research is not unlike what Dr. Sachs has done. There are of course two differences. Oliver Sachs studied people with postencephalitic parkinsonism, while Pop Culture sociologists study Paris Hilton fans, so they face the additional problem that their research subjects are brain-damaged.

The second problem is more serious. Whereas Oliver Sachs can also do real science, soft and wimpy though it is, I simply do not see how a sociologist can. I must admit that sociologists do have elaborate ways of coping with this bias, (Emic and Etic and all that), and their studies are very thorough, but ultimately I think their research speaks for itself. So we conclude that no matter how much documenting and analysis there is, we still may not have a science. It's a shame, because done properly perhaps this would lead to interesting insights in human nature. Ah well. Done improperly, it as least generates much hilarity.




*This knowledge is all hearsay. I never had the urge to investigate her directly, but I get the impression that any fans of hers are weirdos.

Femininity, Decontruction, and Coconuts: An Explosive Concoction

So let us continue where we left off in the textbook, and from there we will proceed to the class. For once in my life I actually took notes, and I intend to use them, so expect the world. (Yes I might have made a note or two in Diff Eq, but they hardly count.)

We proceed from the basic understanding of pop culture to a didactic analysis of the effects of the feminine revolution on the genre of Mass Culture. Perhaps Didactic is not the right word. Well I don't care, and neither does the author of the cunning pun, Femininity as Mas(s)querade*: A Feminist Approach to Mass Culture. Ha I'll bet you didn't even realize Faminism was popular culture, but didn't Betty Friedan make the Top 40 just last year? Oh, well it must be a masculine conspiracy!
Well, let us proceed back to the footnotes.

•Feminism stands as the vanguard, the first defense against the homogenization of society. It and it alone fight the good fight against the corrosive evil of supermarket tabloids.
•Even Marxism has learned that if it wishes too survive, we need feminism.
•But Marxism doesn't truely belive in Feminism.
•Hmm we already mentioned the importance of Feminism and Marxism, but something is missing.
•Ah yes a gay guy, because naturally gays represent the omnipresent womanly love inherent but DEEPLY hidden in the breathtakingly flawless philosophy of Trotskyism.
•Trosky! Now there's a pop culture icon. When's his CD coming out?

Um the rest of that chapter doesn't really mention Pop Culture at all, but if the Gay-Feminocommmunist Cabal of Evangelical Nightmare really exists, the rest of the chapter is probably its Satanic Scripture.

The next chapter seems to me to be boring and devoid of meaning, but I will point out that the last owner of the book must have been enthralled with it's prose; he highlighted every word.

Chapter Six: Deconstructionism.
•Pop Culture was created by some vast supreme power to permanently disenfranchise the proletariat.
Incidentally the best proof of G-d's existence can be found in the rants of Atheist Communists. They say the world is being run by an all-pervasive Bourgeois Conspiracy, with the goal of the utter destruction of the working class. Religious people call that omnipotent and omniscient force G-d. It's just a matter of perspective.
•Pop Culture is being shaped by this mysterious force.
•The working class only think they are watching a video of half-naked women, but really they are being softened to prevent the, otherwise inevitable, Communist Uprising, may it happen in our days.
•Pop Culture is constantly being manipulated, with yesterday's sex objects being forced aside to make way for today's sex objects.
•All the problems in the world come from the immoral influence of pop culture.
•Things are always in there balance. Every day there is a constant clash between the forces of justice and the evil influence of depraved Pop Culture.
•Hmm. Maybe conservative Christians and liberal Communists really do have common beliefs.
•Um, maybe we're being too extreme (You think!) We should probably backpedal just to be safe.
•Yeah let's muddle the issues a bit. If it's too clear, we won't be able to get tenure.

OK Last chapter.
•Pop Culture is he People's Culture. It symbolizes Liberty and Freedom.
•Or maybe not. Maybe it symbolizes continued oppression.
•At it's roots are the struggles and desires of the working class. But they have been twisted and transformed into junk.
•This isn't a very original chapter, is it?



So there you have it. Pop Culture through the eyes of non-science academics. Academics who need to go outside more. To Hawaii, say. Perhaps Aloha Springs. Just stting there relaxing. Under the shade of a coconut tree... Oh right, sorry. Join us tomorrow when we tell you how to study Pop Culture**.






*Ha Ha. Get it? Mass as in Mass Culture. But if you exclude the 's', you end up with masquerade? Ah those Cwazy Sociologists.
**Hint. It come out the back of a male ox. Oh and it's brown.

Cultura

Imagine a coconut. Now imagine a second coconut. Now imagine a lady is beating you over the head with said coconuts. Well at the Aloha Springs Resort, you don't have to imagine because.... Whoah! Looks like I got a little carried away there. Because, today's post is not about getting hit on the head with coconuts, at least not physical coconuts. No today's post is about 1) pop-culture and 2) why Britney Spears deserves to get beaten with a coconut.

Actually the class hasn't started yet per se, but I did do the reading. The reading as 4 chapters in a book called, what else, Pop Culture. Four chapters of pompous, academic, ranting. Four chapters, spanning 41 pages. Luckily most of what they said was garbage, and the rest can be summarized in bullet point form.

• eC15 means Early 15th Century
• Likewise lC19 means late 19th Century
• By now, you can probably guess what mC17 means.
• If you want your readers to know what the hell you are talking about, it would be best to write "Early 15th Century." It takes only a little longer to type, and it is much clearer.
• At the very least define your acronyms, rather than forcing your readers to do guesswork.
• That goes double for l. and fw.
• Culture is a very old word stemming from a root meaning agriculture. It's facts like this that are useful in Trivial Pursuit.
• Eight bullet points, and we haven't even touched Pop Culture.
• Eventually in the eighteenth century, culture came to mean nourishment for the mind. Thus Opera can be considered Culture, as can Calculus, but the author, being "Liberal Artsy", does not mention Calculus.
But what does this have to do with Britney Spears and Coconuts? Well we have many more bullet points to cover.
• The word mass indicates plebeian or low base, mob, ignorant. It also indicates a fundamental property of matter, but we don't really care here.
• So here's the nub of our argument. If we prefix culture with mass, we vulgarize it. So instead of Opera, we get, well, Britney.
• Presumably Pop Culture is the same sort of thing.

You following? Good cause there are 3 more chapters to go. Interesting how much time you can spend on the blindingly obvious.

• Culture, as in the Shakespeare and the calculus, is appreciated by only a small number of people. Actually again the author only cares about art, music, and literature, but I'll give F.R Lewis the benefit of the doubt.
• Not only can only a few people appreciate the beauty of Shakespeare, but those precious few people can something or other. "For such capacity does not belong merely to an isolated aesthetic realm it implies responsiveness to theory as well as to art, to science [finally] and to philosophy in so far as these may affect the human situation and the nature of life." In other-words, understanding culture involves responding to external stimuli. It involves not being brain dead.
• Only those select few individuals make any meaningful contribution to society, and everyone else could die of Plague for all the author cares.
• The Author is of course of this minority.
• notElon disagrees with this author. I mean without the rest of the world, who would clean up all those bodies?
• Besides that, even if most people aren't intellectuals, they sill can contribute to Society in some way, assuming they are not brain dead.
• "It seems, then, not unnecessary, to restate the obvious."
• notElon has noticed.
• America does not possess this high culture, but is more "Democratic."
• I mean just look at that Mark Twain. So low-brow.
• And don't get me started on Dave Barry.
• Those darn Americans are even making the British less stuck-up.
• Even France won't hold out for long.
• Then Culture will be dead, and the world will be doomed. Doomed. Doomed to mediocrity.
• If it means getting rid of the Author, no loss.

Half way there. Gee, this is fun.

• "For about a century Western Culture has really been two cultures: the traditional kind — Let us call it "High Culture" —that is chronicled in the textbooks, and a mass culture for the market.
• Only for the last ONE HUNDRED YEARS? G-d where has this guy been?
• There were always two sets of academics those that sit around in monasteries having obscure discussions ie the Monks and those that popularize their knowledge ie the Minstrels.
• Lets see if we can get "The Monks and The Minstrels" into an academic journal.
• Many of those guy you enshrine as Pure Culture —Shakespeare for instance— were also popular entertainers, and they are actually the far more interesting category.
Oh sorry I got carried away for a second. Back to this guy's bullet points.
• "A work of High Culture is occasionally popular, though this is exceedingly rare.
• Gee, I wonder why.
• Soviet Russia is the King of Mass Culture, i.e propaganda and statues of Lenin.
• Everything in Soviet Russia is BIASED and appeals to the lowest common denominator.
• And the masses love it. They eat Pravda up. They sing the most tasteless base odes to Stalin with real fervor.
• What is wrong with these stupid Russians? Can't they see this is all garbage?
• Gresham's Law can be applied to culture, because I said so.
• Gresham's Law states that bad currency drives the good out of circulation, as people are more eager to spend that which depreciates faster and they will hoard their more currency as they come across it.
• Gresham's "Law" of Culture: "Bad stuff drives out the good, since it is more easily understood and enjoyed.

Technically there is yet more material, but that is probably enough to stew on for now. Does Gresham's Law of Culture explain Britney Spears? Does it explain Coconuts? It is it not too late to go back to the Feudal System? Tune in when we replace the batteries, and once again shine the light of Cold Hard Facts upon the daemons of Popular Culture.

Post 100

Well actually it's post 101. Because, due to a Blogger error, for a short time Wednesday's post was 100. In America they even had post 100 fireworks in my honor. Though, for some strange reason Britain's celebrations in my honour are scheduled for November 5. Beats me why.

Anyway, next week I have to take two Humanities Classes, to fill my "Electives." Quite honestly, I would rather elect to take Physics or History, but I'm stuck with Humanities. Why do you care? Well a while back I wrote a guest post on another blog, showing my alleged schedule.

At that time, some people expressed interest that I actually take those classes (All the ones but the top 2). That way, I could then blog about those said classes, and everybody could have a good time. Alas for Humanity, feeling that this would involve me spending extra money to have a bad time, I declined and later registered for better classes.

However, all is not lost. I now have to take Humanities classes. I will bring this laptop to class, and appear to take careful notes. And I will... sort of. What I really will be doing is recording the Cold Hard Facts, so that we can all enjoy the Professor's wisdom. Then, when the test comes, I can reread my own blog, reflect on all that I have learned, and get a good grade. Meanwhile you can all follow along with the curriculum and comment on the interconnectedness between Humanities, trash cans, and low paying jobs.

There is just one snag. Security. Anything written on a blog could be read by any computer user. And if I actually write about things that are "not" true, someone could potentially get offended, and I could potentially get harmed. As long as I am writing about Humanities, most people won't care one way or the other. Jeering at humanities won't offend anyone who I wouldn't offend in about 15 seconds anyway. But there is ONE person who does matter. If the professor of those classes happens to read this, I could get in serious trouble. It probably is not illegal to blog about coursework, but it might reflect badly in "Class Participation." Now odds are the professor will not read the blog just because it is mine. I seriously doubt a humanities professor would enjoy my style of writing. He might stumble on it by accident, and we must therefore take precautions. At this point, if he googles my name, we're dead. I can't do anything about that. But we can at least ensure that if he googles his own name or the name of the class, this blog will NOT show up in the search results. I won't mention the professor nor will I mention the classes the way they appear in the course catalog. People commenting should do the same. That way, as long as he doesn't google "Ghost of Jamesburg", we're good to go.

So tune in next Monday for the first dose of the Studies of American Popular Culture and Religion.

Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't. Well now, come to think of it...

Everybody hates going to the dentist, what with the drill and the root canals and the painful shots. Plus the fact that someone has to stick both hands and an assorted array of tools into your mouth. Nothing could be more painful, except maybe dipping your left hand in hot, boiling, wax. Well now thanks to the ingenious Spa industry and ingenuous dental patients, you can have a root canal, while simultaneously having hot wax applied to your hand. Ahh relaxing. Oh G-d. Ow Ow Ow. Relaaaaxing.

But apparently not only do dentists get to perform more of the torture they love so much, it is also good for business, and supposedly makes patients happy. According to one, possibly a masochist, ""It's wonderful. I would recommend it to anyone because it's so relaxing."

Relaxing, huh? Well maybe I was wrong about these spas. Maybe eyebrow waxes and chemical baths are "relaxing", at least to some people. But why have the spa in the dentist? Wouldn't a better medical facility, a better host for the a spa, be one where the only clientele are women? Specifically hormonally crazed women, who are going through a stressful time, and are worried that they are no longer in the shape they once were. There could be a fortune in a career like that. Ah. It appears someone has beaten me to the punch*. Darn! Ah well. Maybe next time.



*With apologies to every woman but the ones who started the stereotype. Actually on second thought, with apologies to them too. Don't kill me.

Friday's post

Friday's post will be produced, right on schedule, some time tomorrow.

We would also like to thank the five people who commented. As for the 65 lurkers who did not comment, we know where you live, though admittedly, not who you are. We urge you all to come out of the closet and post. You'll see. It'll probably be cathartic or something.

Acupuncture. (Hey we haven't used that label in a while.)

Who even reads this blog?

I can guess, but I really have no idea, and your insightful comments are not so much help. Post 100 is coming up, why don't you drop by and say hi.

And we still have no winners for any of our contests.

Ghosts Part IV - Stalin

Many, many people object to my having Stalin as an avatar. They claim it is poor taste, and they wonder what sick, demented reason I could have for using such a guy. Of course, in truth the picture is not Stalin at all. In a freak coincidence, Joseph Stalin and I just happen to look identical and have the same taste in dress. But if that is not enough to convince people they should stop whining, maybe this will be. New evidence shows that Stalin was really not the most evil man of the last century. In fact, some historians now claim that he was actually a pretty nice guy, and that the Gulags were all hype. Here to answer these charges is the man himself, Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin.

Cold Hard Facts: You are the same Joseph Stalin, premier of the USSR, who died on March 5, 1953?
Joseph Stalin: I am.
CHF: Good. I was worried we got an impostor.
CHF: How do you feel about not being the most evil, most hated, most despicable man of the last century?
JS: Blast, it's that Adolf dude isn't it? I always knew it would be close, but I thought I might just pull ahead.
CHF: Uh no, I didn't mean that you came in second place. I meant how do you feel about the changes in your legacy.
JS: Changes?
CHF: For example, did you know that if you were to run in an election today, a sizable minority of Russians would vote for you.
JS: Only a minority! Give me a sec. Beria get in here! You've got some work to do.
CHF: No I meant out of their own free will, in a secret election even if you didn't threaten to kill them.
JS: Oh. Well those people are crazy!
CHF: But there is no denying your popularity. Look at this encyclopedia article. I mean sure you were a dictator, but look how great you made Russia.
JS: That article is more biased than Pravda! Surely you don't believe that nonsense.
CHF: But look what they say about your foreign policy! You brought the glories of communism to millions of people across Europe. Think of how happy then must have been.
JS: Oh yeah. They were dancing in the street, or else...
CHF: Fine so maybe you were a little harsh, but you were the great, Fearless Leader, who won World War II. You single-handedly defeated fascism.
JS: Yeah after I sold Half of Eastern Europe to it, then purged the army and got caught in a surprise attack that killed millions of Russians, but eventually yes.
CHF: But don't the ends justify means?
JS: I think so, but I'm a heartless dictator. Normally they don't.
CHF: What about this offhand reference to Ukraine. "The economy-based cabal blames him for the 1932-1933 famine in the Ukraine, which is analogous to blaming Queen Victoria for the Irish potato famine of 1845-1849." That's fair, right.
JS: Considering Queen Victoria forced starving Ireland to export most of its food to England, yeah it's fair. I mean I only did the same thing in Ukraine. I don't like Ukrainians. Why do they need food anyway? May as well not give it to them.
CHF: Fine so you were brutal, so you deported and imprisoned innocent men...
JS: GUILTY men. Once I deport them, they're guilty, even if they're innocent.
CHF: Right. Anyway, so you killed millions of people in cold blood. You did all those terrible things. But look, you wrote beautiful poetry. Doesn't that make you a good person deserving of admiration.
JS: Well look at Hitler. Hitler... there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats! But no one worships Hitler, do they?
CHF: Well actually...


So that's it for today. Tune in next week when we revise the history of Pol Pot. I bet you didn't know he was a world class Ballet Dancer.

Sorry About That

We apologize for three spa related posts in a row. We hope no feelings were injured. Hopefully non-spa related posting can resume tomorrow when I return to the right state of my mind.

The Horror!!! The Horror

Well it had to happen sometime. The spa epidemic has successfully jumped the species barrier to dog, cat, budgie, and possibly even goldfish. That's right. Spas are no longer for humans only. Now a new service, which appears to have been spawned in an unholy union of spa and bookmobile, will pamper your pets with a "luxurious hydrosurge therapeutic bath". Worse the "Spamobile" was started by the head of K-Mart, and rumor has it that its Blue-Light Specials are irresistible. In an attempt to find out why pets are being seduced by such a fiendish beast, we took to the streets. The results are not pleasant.

So Rex, what attracted you to this abomination. Was it the service or the Hydrosurge™?

GRRrrr

Snowball as a cat, shouldn't you know better to be seduced by such a travesty?

MeeOOW.

Goldie, surely a smart, sensible fish like you would know better than this! Goldie? Goldie? Hello? Is there any life in this tank? Well FINE! Don't answer!

Apparently the whole plague can be laid at the feet of certain individuals: Stupid Pet Owners. I mean COME ON People! Why in heck do you think your cat even wants that manicure? Do you honestly think your dog needs that $500 aromatherapy? Do you have nothing better to do with your money than blow it on a STINKIN' GOLDFISH! You people make me sick!

Oh No! When will it end?

Just when I thought there might be a hint of good news on the spa front, I saw this. Yes the horrible spa industry has come out with a new form of torture, one worthy of the, now infamous, Guantanamo Bay Resort, Permanent make-up. Yes ladies, the Spa Cabal knows how obsessed you are with applying lipstick, rouge, and mascara, and, in its own sick, demented, way, it want to help. For a fee, the "Spa Renew," in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin will "delicately tattoo" blush to "to their facial area where they [women or possibly even men too!] normally wear make-up." And for extra, they will even permanently dye your lips a more vibrant shade of red. They will even anesthetize you, so you feel almost no pain. Afterwards you can have a "chemical peel", which they promise will be loads of fun.

Girls, I beg you, for your own good, do not buy their outrageous lies. I don't care how difficult it is to apply lipstick. I don't care how appealing chemical peels sound. You must stand firm. We will not not sit idly by, while people inject us with strange poisons and call it relaxing. We will not allow these bastards to drown our sorrows in soothing goo. We will stand firm. We will... Hey wait! Where are you going? Get away from those telephones. I'm serious here!

We Salute You!

The Cold Hard Facts salutes the brave makers of the documentary Severance. While I have not actually seen this, I am told it is a real-life, behind-the-scenes look at a typical spa. Kudos to you producers. Perhaps once people realize that spas are actually inhabited by depraved serial killers, they will think twice about visiting one, and the Tides of War will finally turn. Information is our strongest weapon. Spread the word.

Anti-Racist Math

Welcome. It's time for another Cold Hard look at the important issues facing our youngsters. Today's pressing debate topic is Anti-Racist Math, New Paradigm Or Just Plain Silly. We argue — you decide. Behold the Cold Hard Facts. Here to discuss Anti-Racist Math with us, is special guest Deborah Hanover, straight from the Boston University English Department.

Cold Hard Facts: Let's start by defining what is anti-racist math.
Deborah Hanover: Anti-Racist Math attempt to rid the fields of mathematics of the cultural baggage of its white, objective, male chauvinist, heritage, and thereby make knowledge more neutral and inviting for all cultures.
CHF: Yes, but what exactly is it?
DH: Anti-Racist Math attempt to rid the fields of mathematics of the cultural baggage of its white, objective, male chauvinist, heritage, and thereby make knowledge more neutral and inviting for all cultures.
CHF: Um ok. Let me rephrase this. In your view, the current method of teaching arithmetic is racist, correct? How would you correct this?
DH: Well we would have to actively make it our first priority to eliminate the systemic bias towards the objective teaching, and teach in a more intuitive, more ethnocentric style.
CHF: Could you give me a specific example? Your meaningless jargon is starting to get on my nerves.
DH: That is because you are a member of the aggressive white, chauvinist, male hiearchy, and you lack the compassion to understand the issue. Plus you are clearly a racist.
CHF: Uh, thanks I think. Why don't I give you a math problem, and you tell me exactly what to change?
DH: Sure. Go ahead. But don't get upset when your social order comes crashing down on you.

Bill has 3 apples. If Bill takes away 2 of them, how many apples are left?

CHF: That seems like a simple enough subtraction problem that any 2nd grader can do. Where's the bias?
DH: Are you blind?! First of all, "Bill" is a white, male, name, sending the signal that women and African-Americans will never be able to "take away" apples. Second "take away" is a hurtful term that implies the forceful grasping of something against its will, symbolically hinting at male dominance and slavery. Thirdly, apples, being a staple of the Western World, are hardly a multicultural fruit, thus sending the signal of white bias for all to see.
CHF: I don't see that at all. That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard of. Is this a Joke?
DH: A joke?! *Do you dispute that there are large inequalities within the performance of students. Now, arguably, someone out there feels that these inequalities are not inherent in students (say, when students of the same or similar intelligence levels often end up under-performing mathematically when they come from a particular background). Can you dare argue with the fact that there is a distinct lack in both the opportunity to undertake and the actual undertaking of STANDARDISED MATHEMATICAL TESTS AND EXAMINATIONS SO THAT STUDENTS MAY DISPLAY THEIR ABILITIES IN AN UNBIASED WAY. If it is the case that, for example, in American and UK universities, there is a distinct lack of a standardised method of examining and testing mathematicians (assuming, of course, that mathematicians should be held as being professionals who can be tested in such ways), then this idea is not a laughing stock, but refers to real concerns that can be objectively verified. Your off-handed debunking of Anti-racist science is probably worth a further re-think, especially given historical scientific racism. The point I suppose here is that your criticism is not justified. Why don't you just join the Ku Klux Clan right now, you bigot?
CHF: So you think the most likely reason that some ethnic groups have bad grades, is that test questions, like "1x3 = ?" or x² + 6x + 5 = 0; find x" are inherently biased? They're math test question for crying out loud! They are completely straightforward! How could they possibly be biased?!
DH: All tests are inherently biased. All knowledge is inherently biased. Everything is a social construct.
CHF: So what do you want to do? Forget the math and give everyone As?
DH: Well, we also have to teach the students a lot of "multi-cultural" garbage as well, but basically yes.
CHF: Have you ever heard the expression, "At 30,000 feet, I want the designer to be an expert in Racist Math"?
DH: Yes it clearly shows society's bias against my work. Why do you always mock my ideas?
CHF: Because your ideas are BS. Now GET OUT! You are driving me insane.
DH: Fine I will. But, first let me respond** to the your clearly mistaken (clearly mistaken) banterings. It is interesting, however, that a scientist should complain about “fancy [verbal] footwork” when responding to criticism of racism in mathematics (as a symptom of an inherently racist society – for example, the US or the UK). But, when given even more opportunities to do so, does not complain about the self-same (and, may I add, even more blatant) verbal footwork in the mathematical publications that he/she is all to happy to use as a convenient excuse for their over inflated pay-packets. May I advise that, when someone tells you the truth, you think before you criticise it? Or would a white mathematician be all to happy to say that mathematics (and truth with it) are white? Certainly this is something that the white race is all too happy to do in newspapers and the media - if not society in general.
CHF: Ah, Forget it! FORGET IT. Just LEAVE ME ALONE. Why did I ever invite a raving loony like you to the blog? What in heck was I thinking?


Well she really convinced me. Anti-racist math is a truly good idea, and we should all lobby our government representatives to bring this truly innovative, wholesome curriculum into our schools. Let us expunge the racist blot from our lives and remove the yolk of bias from our children.Let us strive to follow in the footsteps of the enlightened Ms. Hanover. Only then, will the world be a better place. I think I'm going to be sick.







*This entire argument was lifted from a wikipedia talk page. due to its extreme lack of sense, downright silliness, and many non-sequitors. Hey it's under the GPL.
*CF the same. That guy is a true idiot.

Sorry

Sorry about the lack of posting. I thought it would be easier to write posts now that I have free time. But in fact, I have found that the more important the stuff I should be doing is, the more time I have to work on the blog. But at last, a new post (or even several) is in the works.

Today's Post

It's gonna be totally awesome, except I haven't quite written it yet. Stay Tuned!

Post now? Nope I already did.

Sorry there will be no new post today, Aww. But that's because I already posted yesterday. Yes I am now a syndicated Blogger. Yay Only it's a one time thing, and I didn't get paid. Aww, You can find it here, and as a bonus, it's two posts in one. Yay!

Of course, being that I posted it there, it's not really Elonstruths, but hey, you read what you can get.

Book Deal?

Recently I was talking to one of my friends, and he mentioned he was shocked that I hadn't capitalized on the blog's runaway popularity, in order to make millions off a crummy book that I can trick you all into reading. Oddly enough, the though never occurred to me, but a Cold Hard Facts book, or even better a series of books, does seem like the next logical step.

There's just one small problem. All the bloggers who capitalized their success, primarily had blogs about two things: Sex and Politics. As I told my friend, there just not that big a market among the weirdo and the math-obsessed. But he observed that's why I'm the perfect person to write one, because I am full of both sex and politics. We could combine both into one book, and have ourselves a best-seller.

He was right of course. I mean everybody knows, Edgar Greenberg the life of every party, both political and drinking. Every night I go off to the bar with my friends to discuss the latest hot issue, and every morning I wake up in a dumpster with no memory, but confident that I must have torn up the place. The longer, the louder, the better, that's my motto on parties. I drink so much, I have cirrhosis at 20.Don't you want to read about how I'm wasting my life, Houghton-Mifflen? And of course my reputation with the ladies speaks for itself.* Rumor has it, that I once had 20 girls fling themselves at me in one night*. Nope, I'm certainly not a boring, straight-laced, moral, upright kind of guy. Not at all.

So yeah, I think my book would be perfect. Now all I have to do is find a publisher. I was thinking Scholastic. I mean The Cold Hard Facts on Girls and Graft: My Life: Part One would be the perfect addition to that spam you send out to fifth graders. It would certainly make a name for itself with the teachers.













*It says loser, but it speaks loud and clear. Oh and Random House, just uh ignore these footnotes. They're uh none of your business.
*Well rumor has it now, anyway.

Don't forget to vote tomorrow!

Just a reminder. The all important Edwardsville School Board Elections are tomorrow. The Cold Hard Facts previously hosted a debate between two of the candidates, and if you live in Edwardsville, IL, we urge to carefully read through the whole thing, and then go vote. The election is obviously very close and very important. And judging by the recent spike in hits and controversy engendered by that debate, many of your fellow Edwardsvillians are morons who don't know the meaning of the word humor, and you don''t want them selecting the school board, do you?

If you don't live in Edwardsville, there's still time to grab your rifle and your bible, march down there, and make Edwardsville bleed. We'll take their school board by force if we have to.

Either way, Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party, even in Edwardsville where parties officially don't exist. They just don't know the meaning of fun there. It's up to you to show them how to have a good time.

Which is more important — blogging or studying?

Clearly blogging. Otherwise, why would I bother writing this post?

Injustice!!

Another day, another contest. And guess which blog didn't win. That's right this one. I was robbed. The Seattle Post Intelligencer* crowned some blog called Careerandkids their featured blog. Apparently they were impressed by it's cheap, gimmicky headlines like "Taking Kids on Business Trips," and The Secret to Successful Work Life Balance." Oh and Careerandkids is written by a "Real working parent, Busy Mom, not a journalist who is also a dad." Whoop-de-doo. It's still way worse than Cold Hard Facts and the Post Intelligencer knows it.

I know what you are going to tell me. "Calm down. Maybe Careerandkids really did deserve to win." Well it's not going to work. We have been aiming for that award for the last two weeks straight. We spent ages working up to this moment. Our hour of triumph was at hand. And then fate cruelly snatched the prize from our grasp.

Working Dad you are making a huge mistake. This blog is Chock-full of "Childcare tips". Perhaps you forgot we gave you that exclusive scoop on how to get the best babysitters for the money. And maybe you didn't notice, but only the Cold Hard Facts contains step by step instructions on changing a diaper while driving down the freeway at 90 mph. Perhaps you didn't notice our special segment, "Tele-housework, the wave of the Future." That post alone could revolutionize homemaking and forever change the pardigm of Working Moms. And last but not least we saved countless mothers time and money by teaching them a better way to fold laundry. Careerandkids never did any of that.

And hey, maybe I'm not a mom, and Maybe I don't have kids, and maybe I don't even work, maybe I'm not even a girl, but to deny me the prize is discrimination. What makes you think a mom knows more about childcare than a single man? Isn't that just prejudice? In fact in this enlightened society, shouldn't you specifically choose the poor bum over the experienced mom? Wouldn't that really illustrate the meaning of joint child-rearing? Think about it.

Mr. Working Dad, I urge you to reconsider. Look deep inside yourself, and ask who really deserves that reward. And then disregard that person and give it to me. It's only just.










*Slightly off topic, but what kind of name is the Post Intelligencer? I wonder if there is a Pre Intelligencer too. Perhaps that is Tacoma's Paper. And what in heck does Intelligencer mean anyway?