How many words for snow do you know?

Recently the Rutgers University Student Association drafted a new constitution. Fine, Good, Who Cares? Well normally nobody, but this is Rutgers, and so, naturally, such things are complicated affairs. Instead of just electing a college-wide body of representatives, under the new constitution we elect at least ten, one body for each of the four schools, which supposedly don't exist anymore, one body for Busch Campus which never was a school, but hey it can have a government too, one body each for the Business, Pharmacy, and Engineering Schools, cause G-d Forbid their members vote in one of the five other elections, and in addition, there is a provision in the constitution granting additional reps for cultural councils. Although the cultural councils are not specified in the 10 out 16 pages of the constitution dealing with voting procedure, there is a vague understanding that these cultural councils are specifically for Black and or Asian students. The result of this bureaucracy, is that I get only one vote, a vote for the Livingston Governing Board, and even though I am involved in both Chemistry and Judaism, those interests are not deemed important enough to give me votes. But a Chinese Engineer, or a Black Business student will get three, because they have three different interests on the board. While my engineering friends are overjoyed, I can't help but feel that I am getting gypped.

And so, after considering various options (Should the Chemistry Department secede, and form its own school. Should we blaackmail President McCormick into giving Jews two or three extra votes?), I decided that the best option would be to create a new cultural board, a board we can all be part of. And so with apologies to Inuit and Yupik, the Rutgers Residential Eskimo Governing Council was born. First I get a large group of people with similar interests to mine. Next, we band together in the Rutgers Residential Eskimo Governing Council, and pledge to vote as a block. Last, we get Eskimos recognized as a majority needing extra protection, and BANG, we all get extra votes. Sounds like a plan, right.

I already came up with some catchy slogans. Take a look.

"We use every part of the Walrus bu..." "Every part" "Yes, even that part, but we still only get one vote."

"It rankles my igloo."

"If we have to gulp down raw whale blubber, at least we should get fair representation"

So go ahead join the The Rutgers Residential Eskimo Governing Council— A Cynical Ploy to Garner an Extra Vote for the Rutgers Student Government, and make a positive impact on society. Only with your help, can we all cheat the system!