Sorry. These investigative dealies take much longer to write than the standard, "January 12: Life is great. Bought a new pair of shoes. Baby brother learned to cartwheel." Hang in there.
I'll try to get one up a month. Right now, three different ones are in the works, and we'll see how they progress.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Is a career in golf right for you? Man, is it ever!
So I was minding my own business on Facebook when this popped up.
I mean, I wouldn't have thought so, but it worked okay for Tiger Woods. I certainly could use the Wheaties® Endorsement Fees. So let's do this. We're gonna do something different this time. I'm filling it out in real time, so you can all follow along with me, and then post your results in the comments box. Here it goes.
Registration:
I tried to pick a good address, and Fairlawn was the most golfing related town I could think of.
Page One:
I wasn't really sure what to put here. I mean I have no idea if golfers are the type of people to be playing Quicken when they should be studying. But I think we all can agree Tiger Woods is an expert in Time Management, if you get my drift. Man those jokes write themselves.
Also, this is probably why analytical chemists are so juvenile. Those guys are bouncing off walls. I mean, grow up people! I suppose it is the sacrifice they have to make.
Page Two:
I'll be honest with you. This is entirely live. I was expecting questions about vision, coordination, and putting. I could never have hoped for this weird psychology mumbo-jumbo. Scout's Honor!
Page Three:
I sincerely hope that taskbar down there is not accurate. This is entirely tedious. At least Question 12 mentioned the word golf. Yeah, 15b was too much a stretch, even for me, right now.
Page Four:
More Golf. I assumed proper club usage is the priority over study habits. Then again, if you don't study, how will you remember which club to choose?
Page π:
This is taking way too long. I even forgot to bold half this pages. Well I'm going to keep slogging though. But you can scroll down and cut to the chase. Just don't tell me if passed. I want it to be a surprise.
Page 5:
Just going with As this time. Don't worry, there will be plenty of time for jokes later.
Page Six
I think we've had some of these before, no?
Seven
Isn't golf a solo sport? What's with all these "Pushes Others to Be Better" type questions? Is this an interview for golf players or parole officers?
Eight...
I hope Google has enough room on its server for all these screen shots.
Page Arrgh!
Enough of this, I think. I saved all the pages on my drive. Send me an email if you want the rest. I might even crack a joke or two, if I'm feeling charitable.
DONE!!
One Hundred and twelve questions. I've had lab practicals shorter than that. Well let's see how I did.
I hate you.
ADDENDUM:
This result was too good to pass up as an ending to the post. But I didn't want to leave you guys in suspense, so I got another fake email, and took the survey again.
Three Stars! Pretty good for the guy who always got picked last in gym class, eh? I dare you to do better. Here is the link. Apply now! Our operator is standing by!
ADDENDUM 2: Moot informs me that Page 3 is there twice, and Page 4 not at all. I checked my archive, and this is unfortunately because I accidentally took two screenshots of Page 3 and none of Page 4. You aren't missing much.
I mean, I wouldn't have thought so, but it worked okay for Tiger Woods. I certainly could use the Wheaties® Endorsement Fees. So let's do this. We're gonna do something different this time. I'm filling it out in real time, so you can all follow along with me, and then post your results in the comments box. Here it goes.
Registration:
I tried to pick a good address, and Fairlawn was the most golfing related town I could think of.
Page One:
I wasn't really sure what to put here. I mean I have no idea if golfers are the type of people to be playing Quicken when they should be studying. But I think we all can agree Tiger Woods is an expert in Time Management, if you get my drift. Man those jokes write themselves.
Also, this is probably why analytical chemists are so juvenile. Those guys are bouncing off walls. I mean, grow up people! I suppose it is the sacrifice they have to make.
Page Two:
I'll be honest with you. This is entirely live. I was expecting questions about vision, coordination, and putting. I could never have hoped for this weird psychology mumbo-jumbo. Scout's Honor!
Page Three:
I sincerely hope that taskbar down there is not accurate. This is entirely tedious. At least Question 12 mentioned the word golf. Yeah, 15b was too much a stretch, even for me, right now.
Page Four:
More Golf. I assumed proper club usage is the priority over study habits. Then again, if you don't study, how will you remember which club to choose?
Page π:
This is taking way too long. I even forgot to bold half this pages. Well I'm going to keep slogging though. But you can scroll down and cut to the chase. Just don't tell me if passed. I want it to be a surprise.
Page 5:
Just going with As this time. Don't worry, there will be plenty of time for jokes later.
Page Six
I think we've had some of these before, no?
Seven
Isn't golf a solo sport? What's with all these "Pushes Others to Be Better" type questions? Is this an interview for golf players or parole officers?
Eight...
I hope Google has enough room on its server for all these screen shots.
Page Arrgh!
Enough of this, I think. I saved all the pages on my drive. Send me an email if you want the rest. I might even crack a joke or two, if I'm feeling charitable.
DONE!!
One Hundred and twelve questions. I've had lab practicals shorter than that. Well let's see how I did.
I hate you.
ADDENDUM:
This result was too good to pass up as an ending to the post. But I didn't want to leave you guys in suspense, so I got another fake email, and took the survey again.
Three Stars! Pretty good for the guy who always got picked last in gym class, eh? I dare you to do better. Here is the link. Apply now! Our operator is standing by!
ADDENDUM 2: Moot informs me that Page 3 is there twice, and Page 4 not at all. I checked my archive, and this is unfortunately because I accidentally took two screenshots of Page 3 and none of Page 4. You aren't missing much.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
DiamondAura: Faker Than Fake
Recently, I started to get interested in jewelery. No, it is not because I am thinking about getting married. I will nip that rumor in the bud. It is because I am a scientist, and when I see a challenge like this, I can’t say no.
Most people have heard by now that gem-quality diamonds can now be created in a lab. Several years ago, there was much hype that the day of affordable high-quality diamonds was about to roll in, and that DeBeers was doing everything it could to fight it. The ad certainly goes out of the way to hype up its new lab process. And the diamonds are certainly cheaper than the real thing. So are these the hyped up, lab-created, gem-quality diamonds we have been waiting for? The ad seems designed to make you think so, but what are the Cold Hard Facts?
I was rather suspicious that these were actually real synthetic diamonds. The reason being, and jewelry companies do not want you to know this, is that synthetic jewelry is just as expensive as mined jewelry. Why shouldn’t it be? If it can’t be distinguished, who’s going to know the difference? Thus, even though rubies and sapphires have been made in labs for the past hundred years, they are still rare and valuable. And even though, Kino no longer has to risk life and limb, cultured pearls are still out of you price range. It is simply more economical to maintain the monopoly and sell to the rich, than to flood the market and sell to the poor. The rarity is now artificially generated, but it is still there. I would not be surprised to learn that DeBeers now makes many of its diamonds in a lab, and just hides that fact. Since these diamonds are way cheaper than real diamonds, it seemed likely to me that they were fake. But could I prove it?
The first way to distinguish real diamonds from fakes is the tried and true flame test. Contrary to what you may have heard, diamonds are not forever. They are actually unstable with regards to oxidation, or in layman’s terms, they burn. Fake diamonds, on the other hand, are pretty much forever. So one way to tell the difference between a real diamond and a fake is to heat it. The diamond will disappear in a puff of smoke, and the fake will be unharmed. Now I was sorely tempted to actually do this, but two things dissuaded me. 1) Diamonds don’t burn easily in only 20% oxygen. So in order to do the experiment properly, I would need to get the DiamondAura quite hot, possibly by way of using an oxidizer and something like a thermite reaction. This would make exercising that money-back guarantee rather awkward, once I blew the setting, but not the DiamondAura, to hell. 2) To properly conduct the experiment, I would need a control, and blowing up my mother’s engagement ring, struck me as a rather bad idea. Actually, if any relatives happen to read this, this whole paragraph was just a joke. I never even considered doing this. In fact, Mommy, just ignore that I ever wrote it.
So flame tests were out. How about hardness? Diamonds are well-famed for their ability to scratch glass. These DiamondAura are prominently advertised to do the same. Does that make them legit? Not really. Many things scratch glass, including sand and cubic zirconia, so no proof there. A better test would be to see if it could scratch a ruby or another diamond, but again, destroying another gemstone was out.
So is there a non-destructive way to tell? There actually is, and if any readers actually have any DiamondAura stuff, I urge you to try this. True diamond conducts heat incredibly well, better than metal even. A real diamond will generally feel cold to the touch, unless it is hotter than your body, in which case it will burn like crazy. Using a playground slide made of diamond would be a bad idea. So if you touch a diamond with your finger, and then touch the other end to an ice cube, the cube will melt appreciably. If you do the same with a fake, it won’t*. Something called the thermister test works on the same principle, but is more accurate. And unlike the first two tests, this one won’t destroy the DiamondAura or the control. SO, I could technically order a DiamondAura object, test it, and send it back within 30 days for the rebate. By all rights, I should have done that before writing this post. But the whole idea of spending hundreds of dollars, even temporarily, did not strike me as a good one.
Therefore, I decided to search the internet literature on DiamondAura to see if I could avoid testing things myself. Unfortunately, no one else did the test, either. But I found the smoking gun in one of DiamondAura’s own ads. (Click "Description") “We will not bore you with the incredible details of the scientific process, but will only say that it involves the use of rare minerals heated to an incredibly high temperature of nearly 5000˚F.” Did you catch it? Read it more slowly. “the… use… of… rare… minerals… heated…to… an” As anyone who has even used a pencil can attest, carbon is NOT rare. But Zirconium metal is, or is somewhat rarish anyway. So that was one clue. The other clue was that much touted shininess, the fact that it outdoes nature. This is do to something called fire, which is the ability of the material to act like a prism, turning white light into many colors. If DiamondAura were actual diamond, it should be as fiery as normal diamond. But it isn’t. The ad specifically tells you it outdoes diamond. Want to know what else outdoes diamond? Yep, Cubic Zirconia. So this is a blatant attempt to mislead. And now, you know the Cold Hard Facts. This just makes me wonder about the “some jewelers,” who fell for it. Perhaps they were paid?
*Technically, this test could fail if the materiel of DiamondAura is something called Silicon Carbide or synthetic Moissanite, which is almost as thermally conducting as real diamond, enough to fool an amateur. But luckily, it still fails the next paragraph. Moissanite is even more fiery than Cubic Zirconium. Enough, that the naked eye can tell the difference without much trouble.
Most people have heard by now that gem-quality diamonds can now be created in a lab. Several years ago, there was much hype that the day of affordable high-quality diamonds was about to roll in, and that DeBeers was doing everything it could to fight it. The ad certainly goes out of the way to hype up its new lab process. And the diamonds are certainly cheaper than the real thing. So are these the hyped up, lab-created, gem-quality diamonds we have been waiting for? The ad seems designed to make you think so, but what are the Cold Hard Facts?
I was rather suspicious that these were actually real synthetic diamonds. The reason being, and jewelry companies do not want you to know this, is that synthetic jewelry is just as expensive as mined jewelry. Why shouldn’t it be? If it can’t be distinguished, who’s going to know the difference? Thus, even though rubies and sapphires have been made in labs for the past hundred years, they are still rare and valuable. And even though, Kino no longer has to risk life and limb, cultured pearls are still out of you price range. It is simply more economical to maintain the monopoly and sell to the rich, than to flood the market and sell to the poor. The rarity is now artificially generated, but it is still there. I would not be surprised to learn that DeBeers now makes many of its diamonds in a lab, and just hides that fact. Since these diamonds are way cheaper than real diamonds, it seemed likely to me that they were fake. But could I prove it?
The first way to distinguish real diamonds from fakes is the tried and true flame test. Contrary to what you may have heard, diamonds are not forever. They are actually unstable with regards to oxidation, or in layman’s terms, they burn. Fake diamonds, on the other hand, are pretty much forever. So one way to tell the difference between a real diamond and a fake is to heat it. The diamond will disappear in a puff of smoke, and the fake will be unharmed. Now I was sorely tempted to actually do this, but two things dissuaded me. 1) Diamonds don’t burn easily in only 20% oxygen. So in order to do the experiment properly, I would need to get the DiamondAura quite hot, possibly by way of using an oxidizer and something like a thermite reaction. This would make exercising that money-back guarantee rather awkward, once I blew the setting, but not the DiamondAura, to hell. 2) To properly conduct the experiment, I would need a control, and blowing up my mother’s engagement ring, struck me as a rather bad idea. Actually, if any relatives happen to read this, this whole paragraph was just a joke. I never even considered doing this. In fact, Mommy, just ignore that I ever wrote it.
So flame tests were out. How about hardness? Diamonds are well-famed for their ability to scratch glass. These DiamondAura are prominently advertised to do the same. Does that make them legit? Not really. Many things scratch glass, including sand and cubic zirconia, so no proof there. A better test would be to see if it could scratch a ruby or another diamond, but again, destroying another gemstone was out.
So is there a non-destructive way to tell? There actually is, and if any readers actually have any DiamondAura stuff, I urge you to try this. True diamond conducts heat incredibly well, better than metal even. A real diamond will generally feel cold to the touch, unless it is hotter than your body, in which case it will burn like crazy. Using a playground slide made of diamond would be a bad idea. So if you touch a diamond with your finger, and then touch the other end to an ice cube, the cube will melt appreciably. If you do the same with a fake, it won’t*. Something called the thermister test works on the same principle, but is more accurate. And unlike the first two tests, this one won’t destroy the DiamondAura or the control. SO, I could technically order a DiamondAura object, test it, and send it back within 30 days for the rebate. By all rights, I should have done that before writing this post. But the whole idea of spending hundreds of dollars, even temporarily, did not strike me as a good one.
Therefore, I decided to search the internet literature on DiamondAura to see if I could avoid testing things myself. Unfortunately, no one else did the test, either. But I found the smoking gun in one of DiamondAura’s own ads. (Click "Description") “We will not bore you with the incredible details of the scientific process, but will only say that it involves the use of rare minerals heated to an incredibly high temperature of nearly 5000˚F.” Did you catch it? Read it more slowly. “the… use… of… rare… minerals… heated…to… an” As anyone who has even used a pencil can attest, carbon is NOT rare. But Zirconium metal is, or is somewhat rarish anyway. So that was one clue. The other clue was that much touted shininess, the fact that it outdoes nature. This is do to something called fire, which is the ability of the material to act like a prism, turning white light into many colors. If DiamondAura were actual diamond, it should be as fiery as normal diamond. But it isn’t. The ad specifically tells you it outdoes diamond. Want to know what else outdoes diamond? Yep, Cubic Zirconia. So this is a blatant attempt to mislead. And now, you know the Cold Hard Facts. This just makes me wonder about the “some jewelers,” who fell for it. Perhaps they were paid?
*Technically, this test could fail if the materiel of DiamondAura is something called Silicon Carbide or synthetic Moissanite, which is almost as thermally conducting as real diamond, enough to fool an amateur. But luckily, it still fails the next paragraph. Moissanite is even more fiery than Cubic Zirconium. Enough, that the naked eye can tell the difference without much trouble.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
New Direction?
I stopped writing on this blog, because I was tired of all the "fan mail" I was getting. I would divide this mail into three categories.
1) Crazies who were happy I agreed with them and were too dumb to realize I was joking.
2) Crazies who were outraged I disagreed with the establishment and were too dumb to realize I was joking.
3) Silence in vast quantities.
Naturally, this gave me a rather cynical view of human nature.
It was also tiring to to lie all the time, so I pretty much let it die.
But lately, I have got the urge to write again, so I may post something soon, provided I get permission. Meanwhile, I leave you with updates and a quote.
Update 1: It turns out that David Radius Hudson's wonder drug is still around. The company recently sent me a prospectus detailing all the generations before Eve. They basically include every hot goddess who ever commissioned a nude portrait. There was also a long, rambling article about how hot those ancestors were. I will not be reprinting that link. It also turns out that Ol' Radius wasn't lying when he said that White Powder Gold is produced from the dirt in his barn. I received a sad story about a young woman who followed her eccentric doctor's advice and injected it into her arm. She promptly died of septic shock.
Update 2: I checked back on Yahoo Answers. It it still possible to check progress through college semesters by the questions that appear in the forums. On the math forum, for example, you can track posts from limits, up through derivatives, to optimizations, to integrals, and it repeats every semester.
Update 3: JuicyCampus officially died quietly in its sleep. It has been replaced with a blog that manages to update less frequently than this one. collegeacb is still around and antisemitic as ever. College newspapers learned their lesson, and this time, they wisely declined to dance on JuicyCampus's grave. Jimmy Wintergreen is still awesome.
Update 4: The perpetual motion machine dude is still around. No it's not done yet. But, yes, you can still send him more money. Tell him I sent you.
Update 5: Even that live forever magnet weirdo is still around. Perhaps, he really did discover the secret to immortality.
The quote: "Is that a toothbrush?"
Yes. Yes it was.
1) Crazies who were happy I agreed with them and were too dumb to realize I was joking.
2) Crazies who were outraged I disagreed with the establishment and were too dumb to realize I was joking.
3) Silence in vast quantities.
Naturally, this gave me a rather cynical view of human nature.
It was also tiring to to lie all the time, so I pretty much let it die.
But lately, I have got the urge to write again, so I may post something soon, provided I get permission. Meanwhile, I leave you with updates and a quote.
Update 1: It turns out that David Radius Hudson's wonder drug is still around. The company recently sent me a prospectus detailing all the generations before Eve. They basically include every hot goddess who ever commissioned a nude portrait. There was also a long, rambling article about how hot those ancestors were. I will not be reprinting that link. It also turns out that Ol' Radius wasn't lying when he said that White Powder Gold is produced from the dirt in his barn. I received a sad story about a young woman who followed her eccentric doctor's advice and injected it into her arm. She promptly died of septic shock.
Update 2: I checked back on Yahoo Answers. It it still possible to check progress through college semesters by the questions that appear in the forums. On the math forum, for example, you can track posts from limits, up through derivatives, to optimizations, to integrals, and it repeats every semester.
Update 3: JuicyCampus officially died quietly in its sleep. It has been replaced with a blog that manages to update less frequently than this one. collegeacb is still around and antisemitic as ever. College newspapers learned their lesson, and this time, they wisely declined to dance on JuicyCampus's grave. Jimmy Wintergreen is still awesome.
Update 4: The perpetual motion machine dude is still around. No it's not done yet. But, yes, you can still send him more money. Tell him I sent you.
Update 5: Even that live forever magnet weirdo is still around. Perhaps, he really did discover the secret to immortality.
The quote: "Is that a toothbrush?"
Yes. Yes it was.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Congratualations...
So this guy supposedly won some dream job which involves collecting $100,000 to sun himself on an island and drink piña coladas. But I'm thinking this sounds suspiciously like a horror movie setup. So perhaps the island is infested with radiation mutated zombies. Or maybe it is quickly sinking, and those "Snorkeling skills" will come in awfully handy. I mean the interview involved a spa, and that is never a good sign.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wasting Money Efficiently
I happened to find this elegant concrete doorstop for sale. The doorstop is so elegant in fact, that it costs thirty five hundred bucks.
Now if I were buying a doorstop for $3500, I would want it to send the message that I am so rich, I can blow thousands of dollars on a doorstop. For 3500 dollars, I would want a doorstop that screams this message, preferably something solid gold and diamond encrusted. Which is why I am puzzled and dismayed that this doorstop is basically a glorified cinderblock.
Sure it says it was molded in a one of a kind vase, that had to be smashed in order to produce this fine art. But my problem is that my neighbors may well not know this when they see it propping open my front door. G-d forbid, they might think that my doorstop is only 350 bucks. That and the fact that it would totally clash with all of the other solid gold, diamond encrusted tchotchkes in my house. So I clearly cannot get behind this doorstop, or so I thought.
But then I realized the real point to the doorstop. Notice that under the link to buy the ugly thing is a link to put in on your wedding registry. This is an opportunity waiting to be exploited. The practical jokes alone would be worth it. Can you imagine the shock when guests find out that you expect them to pay $3500 bucks on a piece of junk? Or just imagine the joy on Uncle Gene's face when he finds out that is the only item left to buy. Plus this thing is made of solid concrete and is probably quite clunky to carry, so even if guests could afford it, someone is going to have to lug it around. Won't that be fun?
So this is definitely a must-have item. Uncle Gene, you had better start saving up.
Now if I were buying a doorstop for $3500, I would want it to send the message that I am so rich, I can blow thousands of dollars on a doorstop. For 3500 dollars, I would want a doorstop that screams this message, preferably something solid gold and diamond encrusted. Which is why I am puzzled and dismayed that this doorstop is basically a glorified cinderblock.
Sure it says it was molded in a one of a kind vase, that had to be smashed in order to produce this fine art. But my problem is that my neighbors may well not know this when they see it propping open my front door. G-d forbid, they might think that my doorstop is only 350 bucks. That and the fact that it would totally clash with all of the other solid gold, diamond encrusted tchotchkes in my house. So I clearly cannot get behind this doorstop, or so I thought.
But then I realized the real point to the doorstop. Notice that under the link to buy the ugly thing is a link to put in on your wedding registry. This is an opportunity waiting to be exploited. The practical jokes alone would be worth it. Can you imagine the shock when guests find out that you expect them to pay $3500 bucks on a piece of junk? Or just imagine the joy on Uncle Gene's face when he finds out that is the only item left to buy. Plus this thing is made of solid concrete and is probably quite clunky to carry, so even if guests could afford it, someone is going to have to lug it around. Won't that be fun?
So this is definitely a must-have item. Uncle Gene, you had better start saving up.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Good-bye Shish, Hello Kufta
I read this great cliffhanger editorial in the Rutgers Targum, entitled Good-bye Peace, Hello Lieberman. How do I know it's got a cliffhanger ending? Neither peace nor Lieberman made it to the article.
I figure that the was writing on at full steam, and just before he got to the part about Joe or maybe Avigdor, BAM!, out of space. It happens. An honest mistake and nothing more. So I look forward to seeing Part 2. Because no Editorial Board is going to allow the passing slur on whichever, apparently warmongering, Lieberman the article was supposed to be about without a good explanation, right? Right? Right.
It might have occurred to you that an old headline was accidentally reused, perhaps from an editorial opposed to the war in Gaza or maybe Iraq. That occurred to me also, and a Google search shows it isn't the case.
I figure that the was writing on at full steam, and just before he got to the part about Joe or maybe Avigdor, BAM!, out of space. It happens. An honest mistake and nothing more. So I look forward to seeing Part 2. Because no Editorial Board is going to allow the passing slur on whichever, apparently warmongering, Lieberman the article was supposed to be about without a good explanation, right? Right? Right.
It might have occurred to you that an old headline was accidentally reused, perhaps from an editorial opposed to the war in Gaza or maybe Iraq. That occurred to me also, and a Google search shows it isn't the case.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
If you were anywhere near a college campus last week, you probably heard that a site called juicycampus was shut down. Of couse if you are not a college student, and probably even if you are, you never heard of juicycampus. So why should you care it was shut down? Because, if college newspaper editorials are any judge, juicycampus is was the most evil college gossip site since sataniccampus or cannibalvixoncampus. Just look a a small sampling of the celebratory letters on its closing.
Unfortunately for all the reveling Deans of Students, Juicy Campus is apparently less dead then people might have hoped. Because if you go to the website, you will see that is clearly still there, only now the title reads CampusACB. And apparently, the content is still as unspeakably horrible as ever, leading to a new horde of hysterical [pun intended] editorials.
This begs several important journalistic questions. If no one even heard of Juicy Campus until it died, who cares if it is dead? If it didn't actually die, does it even merit a news story? And was this whole death thing just a cynical ploy to harness the righteous indignation of detractors into temporarily rejuvenating a dying white elephant. But being that the obvious answers are "Everybody," "Of Course," and "No!" respectively, we won't spend any more time dwelling on such questions.
Instead let us turn our critical eye to what exactly was on Juicy Campus. If this choice selection from The New Hampshire is any indication, JuicyCampus deserves all that condemnation and more.
I mean that guy used the dreaded G-word*. Even George Carlin didn't dare say that.
I wanted to experience this nastiness first hand. So I decided to write how I really feel about someone, and then we will see what happens.
And now to make it fit in.
There perfect. And now we wait.
*Warning: Never call anyone in New Hampshire a "Great Hobo". YOu will probably be shot on sight
One of the cruelest Web sites out there was Juicycampus.com - which, to the relief of many, has just closed down.–UConn Press
Student Government Association President Frank Hood said he was happy to hear the news that JuicyCampus was shutting down.
Hood thought the closing would bring relief to students who were posted about the most because the avenue used to bash them was gone.
"I'm excited," Hood said. "It was a site that really tore apart the community of Ball State." –Ball State News
University Dean of Students Timothy Grimm said the site allowed users to lose their sense of responsibility to their post and tarnish other students’ reputations.
“I’m a firm believer in free speech,” Grimm said. “But with any freedom comes responsibility. Just because it’s easy to [post a comment] doesn’t make it right to.” –Rutgers Daily Targum
Unfortunately for all the reveling Deans of Students, Juicy Campus is apparently less dead then people might have hoped. Because if you go to the website, you will see that is clearly still there, only now the title reads CampusACB. And apparently, the content is still as unspeakably horrible as ever, leading to a new horde of hysterical [pun intended] editorials.
This begs several important journalistic questions. If no one even heard of Juicy Campus until it died, who cares if it is dead? If it didn't actually die, does it even merit a news story? And was this whole death thing just a cynical ploy to harness the righteous indignation of detractors into temporarily rejuvenating a dying white elephant. But being that the obvious answers are "Everybody," "Of Course," and "No!" respectively, we won't spend any more time dwelling on such questions.
Instead let us turn our critical eye to what exactly was on Juicy Campus. If this choice selection from The New Hampshire is any indication, JuicyCampus deserves all that condemnation and more.
THIS is the g****t f*****g thing in the world," said the anonymous poster. "Go ahead and delete this comment you h***'s. juicycampus was fun, but you couldn't let us have that you f*****g prick.
I mean that guy used the dreaded G-word*. Even George Carlin didn't dare say that.
I wanted to experience this nastiness first hand. So I decided to write how I really feel about someone, and then we will see what happens.
"Jimmy Wintergreen" is a cool guy.
And now to make it fit in.
"J***y Wintergr***n is a ke*l g*y.
There perfect. And now we wait.
*Warning: Never call anyone in New Hampshire a "Great Hobo". YOu will probably be shot on sight
Monday, February 02, 2009
I Meant to Write a Post Today...
...But I lost the link to the article I was referencing. As soon as I find it, I will get it up here.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Shylock would be proud.
Conclusive evidence that Jews control the world, or at least Wikipedia, which is practically the same thing.
And yes, still searching for that story interesting enough to sustain an actual post.
And yes, still searching for that story interesting enough to sustain an actual post.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Be Very Afraid
Apparently is some kind of new Woman's Leadership Scholarship Program at Rutgers. This is their logo.
I'm not sure whether I should be more worried by the somewhat fascist imagery, or that, judging by the faint writing still visibly overlaid on the logo, said imagery appears to have been misappropriated from a stock art gallery.
Ten points to the person who finds the original. I believe that the writing is the remains of "istockphoto," but so far my search has been fruitless.
I'm not sure whether I should be more worried by the somewhat fascist imagery, or that, judging by the faint writing still visibly overlaid on the logo, said imagery appears to have been misappropriated from a stock art gallery.
Ten points to the person who finds the original. I believe that the writing is the remains of "istockphoto," but so far my search has been fruitless.
Another Major Victory in the War On Spas!
We can only speculate on how spas fit into this exactly, but seeing as that infamous word is right there in the title, I don't think that connection can be denied. And with all the recent setbacks, I am ready to jump on any victory we can find. Keep this up and we will win this war, one drug-dealing, violently bigoted, aromatherapist at a time.
PS:
I don't think this is the last we will hear from "Saratoga Springs" either. With a name like that, the place is a resort town waiting to open. That or a golf course. Either way, it is trouble.
PS:
I don't think this is the last we will hear from "Saratoga Springs" either. With a name like that, the place is a resort town waiting to open. That or a golf course. Either way, it is trouble.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
At Long Last!
Yes! We are proud to report that there is indeed such a thing as kosher haggis*. Dig in, boys.
Oh, you wanted a blog post? One of those is coming soon, too.
* Actually, this haggis is not all that Kosher, as it contains liver and it recommends salting it. A technicality.
Oh, you wanted a blog post? One of those is coming soon, too.
* Actually, this haggis is not all that Kosher, as it contains liver and it recommends salting it. A technicality.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
A Spam, I Think
Time for the Quarterly Update for Halexandria... and only six days after the Equinox. But then again, Mercury is in Retrograde right now and communications are really in a mess. Among other things, some people on Wall Street have managed to misplace about $700 billion and can't seem to find it anywhere... except maybe in the coffers of the taxpayers. Sigh...
Meanwhile, we have not been derelict in our writings and still find our way to various new offerings at Halexandria. The Halexandria Forums, for example, continue to delight and amaze the unwary silver surfer. Many interesting threads to read and contribute to... maybe start your own thread on any topic under the Sun (and way beyond the Sun, come to think of it). Feel free to get involved.
As for new essays, these include some recent relevations about the incredible Labyrinth of Egypt and the People who are involved in hopefully bringing this stunning new discovery to the attention of the world. There is also the New and Improved essay on Totalitarianism... just in time for the upcoming elections. Come to think of it, there's also The Times They Are A Changin'... also with allusions to the elections and media weirdness in general.
All of these essays should intrigue most of you... except of course for aol.com users (who are now prevented from receiving updates from Halexandria... for no known reason). Accordingly, if your friends are (currently) aol.com users, you may have to forward this quarterly update to them so they can be similarly intrigued.
Last but not least is an update at Novels, due to the WORLD PREMIERE OF WE THE JURY, a novel.
As always, Thanks for the Use of the Hall.
Daniel
Gives you a lot to think about, no?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Disgusting Philosopical Problem of the Day
Apparently, there is a chef in Switzerland who has decided to add a new ingredient to his meat dishes, human milk. Big deal, you say? Well I didn't care much either, until I saw the following quote in the Guardian.
So do we go according to the beginning, and say approved milk, yes, banned milk, no. Or maybe we go according the end, and say what is banned is banned, but what is not banned is permitted?
Come hear, it was taught...
And what about those biologists that say humans are both apes and primates? Would they not hold that the milk should be forbidden on all accounts?
They are not on the list of approved species such as cows and sheep, but they are also not on the list of the banned species such as apes and primates," Rolf Etter of the Zurich food control laboratory said.
So do we go according to the beginning, and say approved milk, yes, banned milk, no. Or maybe we go according the end, and say what is banned is banned, but what is not banned is permitted?
Come hear, it was taught...
And what about those biologists that say humans are both apes and primates? Would they not hold that the milk should be forbidden on all accounts?
Monday, July 14, 2008
Boil that Cabbage Down
A lot of readers have written in saying that the Master Cleanse jus doesn't sound masochistic enough for their tastes. "Is their anything even more disgusting," they ask? Perhaps, and this one is even Kosher. Announcing the Cabbage Soup Diet, the only diet so horrifyingly evil, its own creators are ambivalent about it.
Based on the observation that poor, Victorian Londerers were often quite svelte, the cabbage soup diet brings the secret of their success to you in a bold new fad that is bound to make you say, "Please sir, I want some more".
What you want some more! Oh good, because cabbage soup is only the first step towards ahealthier new you. The second step is an increasingly irrational and disgusting list of foods that you must eat, day by day, for a week. After that, all taste will be sucked out of your tongue and your stomach will hang itself in despair. Then you can go on an actual diet, because contrary to your expectations, the cabbage soup diet is safe to actually try losing weight on. But first, let us begin the Tour de Nausea.
On Day One, you can all the cabbage soup you want. And you can also eat all the fruit you want. Well all the fruit except: . And no rutabagas either. I see that gleam in your eye, you stinkin' cheater.
On day two, you can eat all the veggies you want, but no fruit. Fruit bad, veggies good. And also, if you want, treat yourself to a nice unbuttered baked potato. GO on; you deserve it. It'll be our little secret.
Day three. Cabbage soup. Fruit, veggies. No bananas. No potatoes. We mean business here.
On day four, G-d created the sun, the moon, and all the stars. Go have a banana or two or eight in honour of His achievement. And if you desire a carton of skim milk with your cabbage soup, now would be a good time. Bottoms up.
Day five is beef day. Eat twenty ounces of meat and six tomatoes. No you cannot substitute light fish for the beef. What do you think this is? Kindergarten? This is a diet, people! Sheesh.
Day six. After all that beef and tomatoes, you are probably hoping for something light. Well guess what? Tough eggs, because today is steak and green veggies day. Eat at least 2 or three steaks, one bowl of soup and all the leafy, green veggies you can cram down your throat.
Day seven. Brown rice and fruit juice. And do gorge yourself this time. We are trying to lose weight here.
There, that wasn't so bad. You survived the normal tremors and delirium, and maybe you even lost a pound or two. Well tomorrow begins a new week. So boil that cabbage down, boys; turn that old cake round.
Based on the observation that poor, Victorian Londerers were often quite svelte, the cabbage soup diet brings the secret of their success to you in a bold new fad that is bound to make you say, "Please sir, I want some more".
What you want some more! Oh good, because cabbage soup is only the first step towards a
On Day One, you can all the cabbage soup you want. And you can also eat all the fruit you want. Well all the fruit except: . And no rutabagas either. I see that gleam in your eye, you stinkin' cheater.
On day two, you can eat all the veggies you want, but no fruit. Fruit bad, veggies good. And also, if you want, treat yourself to a nice unbuttered baked potato. GO on; you deserve it. It'll be our little secret.
Day three. Cabbage soup. Fruit, veggies. No bananas. No potatoes. We mean business here.
On day four, G-d created the sun, the moon, and all the stars. Go have a banana or two or eight in honour of His achievement. And if you desire a carton of skim milk with your cabbage soup, now would be a good time. Bottoms up.
Day five is beef day. Eat twenty ounces of meat and six tomatoes. No you cannot substitute light fish for the beef. What do you think this is? Kindergarten? This is a diet, people! Sheesh.
Day six. After all that beef and tomatoes, you are probably hoping for something light. Well guess what? Tough eggs, because today is steak and green veggies day. Eat at least 2 or three steaks, one bowl of soup and all the leafy, green veggies you can cram down your throat.
Day seven. Brown rice and fruit juice. And do gorge yourself this time. We are trying to lose weight here.
There, that wasn't so bad. You survived the normal tremors and delirium, and maybe you even lost a pound or two. Well tomorrow begins a new week. So boil that cabbage down, boys; turn that old cake round.
Career Opportunities
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately, and it only made sense to consider my career and what I can expect to earn for my efforts. Hmm, not bad. But how about this?. Much better. Maybe, I should try to broaden my horizons? Only if I want to be poorer than a postman.
Hmm, I wonder what else is open to a man of my talents*.
But that is just the beginning of this amazing tool. There are all sorts of great jobs that you didn't even know existed. In fact the job market is quite good, if you go about it the right way.
But what if you have no skills at all. What if you are destined to live in a box in the middle of Times Square? Is it still possible to send your kids to Yeshiva? Yes, but it's all about choosing the right title. And you thought they snorted because they were addicted to the stuff. Little did you know the surest path to riches.
And if you're a brainless git? Not to worry.
Feel free to comment with any absurdities I may have missed.
With thanks to Not my Father for finding the site.
*Note to self: Avoid nanoshell scripting like the plague.
Hmm, I wonder what else is open to a man of my talents*.
But that is just the beginning of this amazing tool. There are all sorts of great jobs that you didn't even know existed. In fact the job market is quite good, if you go about it the right way.
But what if you have no skills at all. What if you are destined to live in a box in the middle of Times Square? Is it still possible to send your kids to Yeshiva? Yes, but it's all about choosing the right title. And you thought they snorted because they were addicted to the stuff. Little did you know the surest path to riches.
And if you're a brainless git? Not to worry.
A fool and his money are soon joined.
Feel free to comment with any absurdities I may have missed.
With thanks to Not my Father for finding the site.
*Note to self: Avoid nanoshell scripting like the plague.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Blinding the Eyes of the Dumb
Recently the New York Times released an article on a new trend on youtube, graphic videos of surgery. This is not because a sudden demand from sadistic people who like watching girls get cut up. No, that is what horror movies are for. This is strictly business. Apparently plastic surgeons have decided to advertise LASEK, nose jobs, liposuctions, face lifts and other cosmetic operations by paying patients to put their ordeals on the web. Is this practice unethical, a bold new advertising campaign, or just plain stupid? We bring you the Cold Hard Facts.
Now when I read this article, I assumed the whole thing was a joke. Then I saw this video, and I was enlightened.
I mean look at the professional quality. Look at that skill. Look at the poise. Look at that enthusiasm. Look at that gore. I ask you is it possible to see that and not to want a nose job?
Nonetheless, the New York Times is concerned. Apparently when it comes to cutting someone's face or chest open, we need objective opinions. And many ethicists feel that as well as being bribery, these youtube testimonials are also somewhat creepy.
Creepy! That kind of anti-doctor stance is just what you expect from an antisemitic, pro-Palestinian rag that... Alright, even I can't lie that badly. It is actually quite creepy.
But bribery? It's not bribery. It's like Dr. Emil Chynn says.
Yeah, maybe if he paid $1,000 dollars for the videos, it would be bribery. But he only paid a hundred. One hundred dollars is nothing. One hundred dollars can't even buy a stick of bubble gum. One hundred dollars is pocket change, particularly if you are a rich doctor raking in millions, but even if you are not.
And as for influencing innocent bystanders to rush to surgery without careful vetting, that WOULD be a problem IF people bought cosmetic surgery based on quality. But the smart shopper always buys nose jobs based on price. And thanks to his "Youtube Rebate Package," Dr. Simoni really is the cheapest. So there is no dishonesty going on whatsoever.
Well I have to rush off to get a few pounds sucked out of me, if you get my drift. SO until next time, this is the Cold Hard Facts.
Now when I read this article, I assumed the whole thing was a joke. Then I saw this video, and I was enlightened.
I mean look at the professional quality. Look at that skill. Look at the poise. Look at that enthusiasm. Look at that gore. I ask you is it possible to see that and not to want a nose job?
Nonetheless, the New York Times is concerned. Apparently when it comes to cutting someone's face or chest open, we need objective opinions. And many ethicists feel that as well as being bribery, these youtube testimonials are also somewhat creepy.
Creepy! That kind of anti-doctor stance is just what you expect from an antisemitic, pro-Palestinian rag that... Alright, even I can't lie that badly. It is actually quite creepy.
But bribery? It's not bribery. It's like Dr. Emil Chynn says.
It’s really not a conflict of interest. I’m charging $5,000 for the surgery. If we gave $1,000, that would be a problem.
Yeah, maybe if he paid $1,000 dollars for the videos, it would be bribery. But he only paid a hundred. One hundred dollars is nothing. One hundred dollars can't even buy a stick of bubble gum. One hundred dollars is pocket change, particularly if you are a rich doctor raking in millions, but even if you are not.
And as for influencing innocent bystanders to rush to surgery without careful vetting, that WOULD be a problem IF people bought cosmetic surgery based on quality. But the smart shopper always buys nose jobs based on price. And thanks to his "Youtube Rebate Package," Dr. Simoni really is the cheapest. So there is no dishonesty going on whatsoever.
Well I have to rush off to get a few pounds sucked out of me, if you get my drift. SO until next time, this is the Cold Hard Facts.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Man at Work
We here at The Cold Hard Facts take great pride in shipping only the coldest and hardest facts to our lovely clientèle. Our author works tirelessly converting ideas into only the finest written text available anywhere. Regrettably this takes time, and thus the post that you have been eagerly awaiting is not quite here yet. But rest assured, it will be here one day. Perhaps even today.
Work in Progress
Work in Progress
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